Maybe it was a phone call early in the morning. Maybe it came after a long illness. Now there is an empty chair at family dinners and a recipe card in their handwriting that you can't bring yourself to put away. Losing a grandparent can hurt more than people expect, at any age. This guide explains why this loss can run so deep, the ways it can look different for each person and gentle ways to cope and remember them.
This post is general information, not medical advice or a diagnosis.
Why losing a grandparent can hurt so much
Grandparents often hold a special place in our lives. They may have been the person who spoiled you, the one who told family stories or the safe place to land when home felt hard.
People sometimes treat the death of a grandparent as expected, because grandparents are older. But expected does not mean easy. You may be grieving the person, the role they played and the part of your childhood they carried.
Research backs this up. In a qualitative study of 74 college students, how close people felt to their grandparent, the role they played in the family and the way they tended to cope all shaped their grief (Manoogian and colleagues, 2018, see Sources). The authors also noted how a grandparent's death can lead to new family rituals and changes in young adults' lives.
Sometimes other people don't seem to understand how much it hurts. That can make grief feel lonely. Our post on disenfranchised grief explores what it's like when a loss isn't fully recognized.
When a grandparent raised you
For some people, a grandparent was much more than a grandparent. They may have raised you, taken you to school, sat with you when you were sick and been there for every milestone.
If your grandparent was a parent figure, this loss can feel like losing a parent. Your grief is just as real. You don't need to make it smaller to fit what others expect.
Losing a grandparent as an adult
Many people lose a grandparent in their 20s, 30s or 40s. For some, it is their first close loss.
You may be juggling work, school, a partner or young children while you grieve. You may feel you should be "over it" quickly because you're an adult. But grief does not follow those rules.
The National Institute on Aging notes that there are no rules about how you should feel, and no right or wrong way to mourn (see Sources). You may feel sad, numb, guilty or even angry. All of these are normal.
Losing your last grandparent
When your last grandparent dies, it can feel like the end of a generation. You may realize there is no one left who remembers your parents as children or who knew the old family stories.
That can bring a new kind of grief. It may also make you think about your own place in the family and the people who come after you.
Some people find comfort in writing down stories while others still remember them, or in gathering old photos with cousins and siblings.
Grieving them while worrying about your parent
When a grandparent dies, your parent may be losing their own mother or father. You may find yourself grieving and worrying about your parent at the same time.
A US study looked at 204 young adult grandchildren who had lost a grandparent. Those who worried more about their grieving parent reported more grief symptoms. This link was stronger when the parent was their mother, and when they lived with that parent (Stokes and colleagues, 2021, see Sources). This was a correlational study, so it shows a link, not a cause.
It is kind to support your parent. It is also okay to have your own grief and to ask for support yourself.
Grief has no set schedule
People often wonder how long grief should last. There is no set answer. The National Institute on Aging notes that for most people, the intense pain will lessen as time passes, with good and bad days along the way (see Sources).
Grief can also come in waves. A song, a smell or a holiday can bring it back. The first holidays without them can be especially hard. Planning ahead for those days, or doing something small in their honour, may help.
Grief and depression can look alike at times. If you are wondering whether what you feel is more than grief, our post on grief vs depression can help you tell the difference.
Ways to cope and keep their memory close
There is no right way to grieve. Some ideas people find helpful:
Tell stories. Share your favourite memories with family or friends.
Cook their recipe. Making a dish they loved can feel like a visit.
Write them a letter. Say what you didn't get to say, or what you want them to know.
Keep something of theirs. A sweater, a watch or a mug can be a comfort.
Create a ritual. Light a candle on their birthday, visit a place they loved or play their favourite song.
Look after your body. Rest, eat and get outside when you can. Grief is tiring.
Let yourself feel it. Crying, laughing and feeling numb are all part of grief.
You don't have to let go of your grandparent to heal. Many people find ways to keep a bond with the person who died.
Helping a child after a grandparent dies
If you have children, they may be grieving too. They may also be watching how you grieve.
Some ways to help:
Use honest, simple words. Say "Grandpa died" rather than "went to sleep" or "we lost him," which can confuse young children.
Answer questions simply. It's okay to say, "I don't know."
Let them join in. If they want to, children can help with rituals, draw a picture or share a memory.
Show your feelings. It's okay for children to see you sad. It teaches them that grief is normal.
Children show grief in different ways than adults. Our post on signs of grief in children explains what to watch for.
When to get support
Reach out for support if:
Grief is making it hard to get through daily life
You feel stuck, numb or hopeless
You are pulling away from people who care about you
You are using alcohol or other things to cope
If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911.
How counselling can help
A counsellor can give you a space to talk about your grandparent, make sense of mixed feelings and find ways to carry their memory with you. Counselling can also help when family stress or worry about a parent is part of your grief.
We offer grief counselling at our Kitchener-Waterloo, Cambridge and Ottawa offices and online across Ontario.
Common questions about losing a grandparent
Is it normal to be this sad about a grandparent? Yes. Grandparents can be some of the most important people in our lives.
Why do I feel guilty? Many people feel guilty about things left unsaid or visits they missed. These feelings are common in grief. Talking about them can help.
How can I support my parent? Check in, listen and share memories. Take care of your own grief too.
Cost, billing and your first step
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers. Coverage depends on your plan, so check with your insurer before you start.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. If you're grieving a grandparent, a counsellor can help you carry the loss.
If you're in crisis: if you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Stokes JE, Kim YK, Kim K, Fingerman KL. "Grieving a Grandparent: The Importance of Gender and Multigenerational Relationships." J Marriage Fam. 2021;83(3):754-768. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38282764/
Manoogian MM, Vandenbroeke J, Ringering A, et al. "Emerging Adults' Experiences of Grandparent Death." Omega (Westport). 2018;76(4):351-372. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28198652/
National Institute on Aging. "Coping With Grief and Loss." https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/grief-and-mourning/coping-grief-and-loss
National Institute on Aging. "Grief and Mourning." https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/grief-and-mourning