Watching someone you care about have a panic attack can be scary. Their breathing changes, they may shake or cry, and they might tell you they feel like they're dying. In that moment, it's natural to want to do something, anything, to make it stop. The good news is that you don't need special training to help. Staying calm, staying close and saying a few simple things can make a real difference. This guide covers what to do in person, over the phone or by text, and when to call for emergency help.
This post is general information for supporters. It isn't medical advice, and it can't tell you whether someone is having a panic attack or something else.
What a panic attack can look like from the outside
A panic attack is a sudden wave of intense fear. MedlinePlus, from the U.S. National Library of Medicine, describes panic attacks as sudden periods of intense fear, discomfort or a sense of losing control, even though there is no real danger. They often cause physical symptoms, such as a pounding heartbeat, and can feel like a heart attack.
From the outside, you might notice someone:
Breathing fast or saying they can't get enough air.
Shaking, sweating or going pale.
Holding their chest or stomach.
Saying they feel dizzy, unreal or like they're losing control.
Wanting to escape the room or situation.
Cleveland Clinic notes that a panic attack happens suddenly and that symptoms usually peak within 10 minutes and then disappear soon after. The U.S. National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) explains that a panic attack can last from a few minutes to an hour or sometimes longer. Knowing that it passes can help you stay steady.
In the moment: stay calm and stay close
Your calm can help them feel safer. You don't have to feel calm inside. You just need to slow down your voice and your movements.
Cleveland Clinic suggests a few simple steps when someone you know is having a panic attack: stay with them and remain calm, ask them what they need, speak in short, simple sentences, help them focus on the present, and gently and confidently reassure them that they're safe and that the attack is temporary.
If they've had panic attacks before, they may already know what helps. Asking "What do you need right now?" respects that. If you're in a busy or loud place, you might offer to move somewhere quieter together.
Ask before you touch them. Some people find a hand on the shoulder comforting, while others feel crowded or trapped when they're panicking. A simple "Would it help if I held your hand?" lets them choose. Give them space to move, sit down or stand up, and try not to crowd them with several people at once. One calm person is usually enough.
What to say, and what to skip
Short, steady words work best. Some phrases that can help:
"I'm right here with you."
"You're safe. This will pass."
"Let's breathe together."
"You don't have to talk. I'll stay."
"You've gotten through this before."
Some phrases tend to make things harder, even when they're meant kindly:
"Calm down." It can feel like pressure.
"It's all in your head." The symptoms feel very real.
"There's nothing to be scared of." They may already know this, and it doesn't help.
"Why are you like this?" It adds shame.
Your tone matters as much as your words. Speak slowly and gently.
Breathing and grounding together
Slow breathing can help some people feel more settled. Cleveland Clinic suggests helping them practise deep breathing by slowly counting to five for each inhale and exhale. Breathe alongside them, so they can follow your rhythm instead of being told what to do.
Grounding can also help bring attention back to the present. You might gently ask them to:
Name five things they can see around them.
Notice four things they can feel, like their feet on the floor.
Listen for three sounds.
Keep it light and optional. If they don't want to do an exercise, that's okay. Just staying near them is helping.
Helping over the phone or by text
Sometimes the call comes when you're not there. You can still help a lot from a distance.
On the phone:
Stay on the line. Hearing your voice can be steadying.
Speak slowly, in short sentences.
Ask one simple question at a time, such as "Are you somewhere safe?"
Breathe out loud together and count slowly.
Let silences happen. You don't have to fill every moment.
By text:
Keep messages short and calm: "I'm here." "You're safe." "Breathe with me: in for 5, out for 5."
Ask one question per message.
Offer to call if they'd like to hear your voice.
Avoid long paragraphs, which are hard to read when panic is high.
If they say anything that suggests a medical emergency or thoughts of suicide, follow the steps below.
When to call 911
Panic attacks can look like medical emergencies, and medical emergencies can look like panic attacks. You don't have to figure out which it is. Call 911 if the person:
Has chest pain or pressure, especially if it's new, severe or spreading to the arm, jaw or back.
Has trouble breathing that doesn't ease.
Faints or loses consciousness.
Has never had a panic attack before, and you aren't sure what's happening.
Tells you something feels very different from their usual panic.
Cleveland Clinic notes that some panic attacks have signs that can resemble a physical problem like a heart attack, and that chest pain, trouble breathing or losing consciousness call for emergency medical care. Heart & Stroke advises calling 9-1-1 immediately for signs of a heart attack, such as chest discomfort, shortness of breath and light-headedness. If you're unsure, call. It's always okay to let professionals check.
If the person talks about suicide or wanting to die, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night. If they're in immediate danger, call 911. You can find more options on our crisis lines page.
After it passes
When the panic fades, many people feel drained, shaky or embarrassed. A few gentle ideas:
Offer water and a quiet place to rest.
Let them set the pace for talking.
Skip the play-by-play. Now isn't the time to analyze what happened.
Remind them that you're glad they reached out.
Later, when things are calm, you might ask what helped and what didn't, so you're ready if it happens again.
If panic attacks keep happening
If your loved one has repeated panic attacks, it can be tempting to help them avoid every place or situation that might trigger one. That's understandable, but avoidance can make the world feel smaller over time.
Instead, you can encourage them to get support. Our post on panic disorder symptoms explains when panic may be more than an occasional attack, and our guide on how to stop a panic attack is written for the person who experiences them.
Therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), can help people understand panic, feel less afraid of the sensations and slowly return to places they've been avoiding. Our anxiety therapy is available in person in Kitchener-Waterloo, Cambridge and Ottawa, or online anywhere in Ontario.
Look after yourself, too
Supporting someone through a panic attack can leave you shaken. It's normal to feel worried, tired or even frustrated afterward. Your feelings matter too.
Talk to someone you trust, take a break when you need one and remember that you can't carry it all alone. Counselling isn't just for the person with panic. Supporters can benefit from a space to talk as well.
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200. Depending on your plan, insurance may cover some or all of the cost, and we direct bill many insurers, even for sessions with a registered psychotherapist (qualifying).
Your first step
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. Whether you're looking for support for your loved one or for yourself, they can answer your questions and help you find a therapist who fits.
Your steady presence matters more than you know.