Maybe the same argument keeps coming back, no matter how many times you talk it through. Maybe you feel more like roommates than partners, or a big change, like a new baby, a move or a job in a new city, has left you out of sync. Couples counselling can feel like a big step, and it's normal to have questions about what it involves. If you live in Ottawa and you're thinking about it, this guide explains who couples counselling is for, what sessions are like and how to get started.
You don't need to be in crisis to come to counselling. Many couples reach out because they want to understand each other better, or because they'd like to stop a small problem from growing.
Who couples counselling in Ottawa is for
Couples counselling is for any couple who wants support with their relationship. That includes couples who are dating, living together, engaged, married, separated or deciding whether to stay together. It includes couples of every background, culture, gender and sexual orientation.
The U.S. National Institute of Mental Health lists relationship and family problems among the common reasons people seek psychotherapy. Some couples come in when things feel close to breaking. Others come in when life is mostly good, but they want to strengthen their connection or prepare for a big change. Both are good reasons. There's no "right time" or level of difficulty you have to reach first.
It also isn't necessary for both partners to feel equally sure about counselling. It's common for one partner to be more eager than the other at the start. Many couples find that the first session helps the more hesitant partner feel more at ease.
What couples often bring
Every relationship is different, but some themes come up again and again:
Communication. Feeling unheard, talking past each other or avoiding hard conversations.
Conflict loops. Having the same fight over and over, with no resolution.
Trust. Rebuilding after infidelity, secrets or broken promises.
Intimacy. Feeling disconnected emotionally or physically.
Life transitions. New parenthood, blended families, career changes, retirement or caring for aging parents.
Stress. Money worries, work pressure or health challenges that spill into the relationship.
Different values or goals. Disagreements about children, finances, religion or where to live.
Researchers at the Gottman Institute describe four communication patterns, criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling, that their research links to the end of relationships. Many couples recognize these patterns in themselves. The good news is that patterns can be noticed and changed.
Signs it may be time to reach out
Couples often wait a long time before asking for help. You might consider reaching out if:
You keep having the same argument and it never gets resolved.
One or both of you avoids talking about certain topics to keep the peace.
You feel lonely in the relationship, even when you're together.
Small comments quickly turn into big fights.
Trust has been broken and you're not sure how to rebuild it.
A big life change has left you feeling like strangers.
You're thinking about separating and want to make the decision with care.
None of these means your relationship is doomed. They're signals that you could both use some support, and that you might benefit from a neutral space to talk things through.
How sessions work
If you've never been to couples counselling, it can help to know what to expect.
The first session. Your therapist will usually want to hear from both of you about what brings you in, what you'd like to be different and what's working well. It's a chance to share your perspectives and set some goals together.
Working on two levels. Our couples counselling works on two levels: addressing communication and present-day issues, and letting go of burdens that have built up over time. That might mean learning new ways to talk about hard topics, while also making sense of old hurts that keep resurfacing.
A balanced space. A good couples therapist doesn't take sides. Their job is to help both of you feel heard and to focus on the relationship as a whole.
Practice between sessions. You may be invited to try new ways of talking or connecting at home. Small changes, practised often, can make a real difference.
Going at your pace. Some couples come for a few sessions to work on a specific issue. Others come for longer. You and your therapist will check in regularly about how things are going.
In person downtown or online
Our Ottawa office is at 1 Rideau Street, 7th Floor, Ottawa, ON K1N 8S7, inside the Fairmont Château Laurier. You can reach our Ottawa team at (613) 691-1006. Our Ottawa clinic offers couples therapy in person at this office or online, so you can choose the format that suits you. You can see our other Ottawa counselling services on our Ottawa page.
We also offer online couples therapy across Ontario. Online sessions can be a practical option for busy schedules, couples with young children at home or partners who work in different places. You can choose to meet in person at our Ottawa office or online, whichever fits your week.
Counselling in French. For couples who feel more at home in French, or who are a bilingual couple, we offer couples therapy in French in Ottawa. Our post on French couples therapy in Ottawa explains more.
Who you'll be working with
In Ontario, counselling and psychotherapy are provided by regulated professionals. The Government of Ontario lists the health professions that are regulated, including registered psychotherapists and psychologists. Registered psychotherapists are regulated by the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario, which keeps a public register you can check.
Our Ottawa therapists are registered psychotherapists (qualifying). This is a category of registration with the College, so you can look up any therapist on the public register. Whoever you see, it's always okay to ask about their training and how they like to work with couples.
Cost and billing
Cost is an important part of planning, so here's what to know.
Couples sessions with our therapists range from $170 to $200, depending on the clinician.
Student therapist sessions range from $0 to $80. Student therapists are completing master's degrees and work under supervision.
Depending on your plan, your benefits may cover part or all of the cost. Coverage varies a lot, so check with your insurer about which providers your plan covers.
Health Spending Accounts can often be used for counselling, depending on the plan.
We direct bill many insurers, including for many plans when you see a registered psychotherapist (qualifying). Some insurers have their own rules about this, so our team can help you check.
There's no waitlist, so you can get started without waiting months.
When couples counselling is not the first step
Couples counselling works best when both partners feel safe. If you're afraid of your partner, or if there is physical, sexual or emotional abuse in your relationship, couples counselling may not be the right first step. In some cases, it can even put you at greater risk.
The World Health Organization describes intimate partner violence as behaviour by a partner or ex-partner that causes physical, sexual or psychological harm, including psychological abuse and controlling behaviours. Abuse isn't always physical.
If this sounds like your relationship:
Put your safety first. If you're in immediate danger, call 911.
Reach out for urgent support. You can call or text 9-8-8 any time if you're in crisis.
Consider individual counselling. Talking with a therapist on your own can be a safer place to sort through your feelings and plan next steps.
You deserve to feel safe in your relationship.
Your first step
Starting couples counselling can feel vulnerable, but it's also a sign that you both care. You don't need to have everything figured out before your first conversation.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. They can answer questions about cost, billing, French-language sessions and in-person or online options, and help you find a therapist who fits.
Relationships can change, and with support, many couples find their way back to each other.