Your relationship has ended, but your role as a parent hasn't. Now you're raising kids across two homes, with someone you may still feel hurt by, angry with or simply tired of negotiating with. Co-parenting after separation asks a lot of you. This guide covers practical ways to communicate, keep things consistent, handle handovers, keep kids out of the middle, what to do when cooperation isn't possible and how counselling can help.
This post is general information, not legal advice or a treatment plan. It doesn't cover custody, parenting schedules or legal agreements. It focuses on the emotional and practical side.
A note on safety: co-parenting advice doesn't apply where there is abuse. If you or your children are in danger, call 911. Your safety comes first.
Co-parenting after separation, what it really asks of you
Co-parenting means two homes, one set of kids. It asks you to work with your ex on behalf of your children, even when your own feelings are raw.
That's hard. You may be grieving the relationship, adjusting to a new budget, setting up a new home and helping your kids through big changes, all at once. It's okay if it doesn't feel natural yet. Co-parenting is a skill, and skills take practice.
One helpful shift can be moving from "partners" to something more like business colleagues: people with a shared, very important project, your kids.
Keep communication business-like
These co-parenting tips can make communication calmer:
Keep it brief. Stick to what's needed: times, plans, school or health updates.
Stay neutral. Write as if a teacher might read it. Leave out blame and old arguments.
Use one channel. A shared calendar or one messaging thread keeps things clear.
Give yourself time. If a message upsets you, wait before replying.
Focus on the kids. Ask "what's best for them?" rather than "who's right?"
You don't have to be friends. You just need to be workable. Over time, calm and predictable communication can lower the temperature for everyone, including you, and it shows your kids that their parents can still work together for them.
Consistency across two homes
Kids do well with predictability. That doesn't mean both homes need identical rules, but it helps to agree on the big things, like bedtimes on school nights, homework expectations, screen time and how you handle discipline.
Small differences are okay. Kids can learn that "at Mom's house we do this, at Dad's house we do that." What's harder for them is when one home undermines the other. Some flexibility, like swapping a weekend for a special family event, can also keep things running smoothly.
Handovers without drama
Handovers can be stressful for everyone, especially kids. A few practical tips:
keep handovers short and friendly
avoid discussing conflicts in front of the children
have bags packed and ready ahead of time
if handovers are tense, consider a neutral spot or a pickup from school
give kids a little time to settle when they arrive
A calm "Have a great time, see you Sunday" can help your child move between homes without feeling torn. Try to keep your own goodbye feelings for after they've gone.
Keeping kids out of the middle
Children can feel responsible for adult conflict, even when it has nothing to do with them. To protect them:
don't use kids as messengers
don't vent to your children about your ex
don't ask them to keep secrets or report back
let them love both parents without guilt
If your kids are struggling to understand the separation, our post on talking to young children about divorce has gentle ideas for those conversations.
When cooperation isn't possible: parallel parenting
Sometimes, co-parenting with a difficult ex isn't realistic, at least for now. Communication turns into conflict every time, and the kids feel the tension.
Parallel parenting is one option some families use. Each parent runs their own home in their own way, with minimal direct contact. Communication is kept brief, written and focused only on the children. The aim isn't closeness. It's lowering conflict so kids can feel more at peace. Over time, some families find they can move toward more cooperation.
Co-parenting with a difficult ex: protecting your own peace
When your ex pushes your buttons, it helps to have a plan. Decide ahead of time what you will and won't respond to. Keep replies short. Lean on friends or a therapist to process your feelings, so they don't spill into your messages. And remember that you can only control your side of the relationship.
New partners and blended families
New partners can bring up strong feelings for everyone, including your ex and your kids. A few general ideas: take introductions slowly, let kids adjust at their own pace and keep the new partner out of disciplining at first. Our post on blended family problems explores how families can settle into new arrangements.
Holidays, birthdays and special days
Special occasions can bring up strong feelings for everyone. Planning ahead helps: agree early on who has the kids when, and how you'll handle birthdays, school events and holidays. Some families alternate years, some split the day and some celebrate twice. Whatever you choose, try to let your kids enjoy the day without worrying about upsetting either parent. If you're alone on a holiday that used to be shared, plan something kind for yourself too.
When your child doesn't want to go
Sometimes a child resists going to the other parent's home. It can help to stay calm, listen to what's behind it and avoid making them choose. It may be about something specific, like missing a friend, a change in routine or big feelings about the separation. If it keeps happening or you're worried about your child's safety, talk it through with a counsellor, and call 911 if anyone is in danger.
How kids may react
Children react to separation in different ways. Some become clingy, some withdraw, some act out and some seem fine at first and struggle later. Changes in sleep, school or mood are worth watching. Most of all, kids need to hear that the separation isn't their fault and that both parents still love them.
How counselling can help
Co-parenting counselling can help in several ways:
Co-parenting sessions. Both parents meet with a therapist to improve communication and make plans that put children first.
Individual therapy. A place to work through grief, anger and stress, so you can show up as the parent you want to be.
Child or teen therapy. For kids ages 6 and up, a safe adult to talk to about the changes in their lives.
Family therapy. Sessions that help family members adjust together.
Your first step
We offer counselling in person in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge and Ottawa, and online anywhere in Ontario on a secure, encrypted video platform. Ask about online options for co-parenting sessions when you book.
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
Depending on your plan, insurance may cover some or all of the cost. Coverage varies, so check your plan.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers, including for sessions with a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying). Desjardins is the exception: through TELUS eClaims, we can direct bill Desjardins for sessions with an RSW, RP or psychologist, but not for an RP (Qualifying).
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. Let them know whether you'd like co-parenting sessions, individual support or therapy for your child.
If you're in crisis: if you or anyone else is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're having thoughts of suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time. More options are on our crisis lines page.
Your relationship has changed, but your children can still feel loved and secure in both homes.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Making plans, Section 3: Parenting after separation, focusing on your children, Government of Canada, Department of Justice
Making plans, Appendix A: Advice about using electronic communications, Government of Canada, Department of Justice