"It wasn't that bad. Other people have been through so much worse." If you've ever said that about your own past, you're far from the only one. It's easy to minimize experiences that still affect you, because they don't seem big enough to count as trauma. That's where the idea of big T vs little t trauma comes in. This guide explains what the terms mean, examples of smaller or repeated hurts, why "it wasn't that bad" can keep you stuck, signs your past may still be affecting you and how trauma therapy can help.
This post is general information, not a diagnosis or a treatment plan.
Big T and little t trauma, what the terms mean
Big T and little t are informal terms. Some therapists use them to describe different kinds of painful experiences. They aren't diagnoses, and they aren't categories in the DSM-5 or the World Health Organization's ICD-11. They're simply a way of talking about the fact that harm comes in many forms.
In general terms:
Big T trauma usually refers to single, overwhelming events that threaten someone's safety or life.
Little t trauma usually refers to experiences that may seem smaller on the surface, but that hurt, especially when they happen again and again.
The labels can be useful, but they can also be misleading if they suggest one kind "matters" more than the other. What counts as trauma isn't decided by the size of the event. It depends on how it affected you.
Big T trauma
Big T trauma is what most people picture when they hear the word. In general terms, it can include events like serious accidents, violence or assault, natural disasters, sudden loss or a frightening medical emergency. These experiences can be overwhelming, and some people go on to develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Not everyone who goes through a big T event develops lasting symptoms. Support, safety and a person's circumstances all play a part.
Little t trauma
Little t trauma often builds up over time. Small t trauma examples might include:
frequent criticism or put-downs growing up
emotional neglect, like feelings being dismissed or ignored
bullying or exclusion at school
a painful breakup or betrayal
ongoing stress, like money worries or caregiving
moving often, or losing friendships and community
feeling unseen or like you had to earn love
On their own, some of these might seem manageable. Together, or over years, they can shape how you see yourself, other people and the world.
Why impact matters more than ranking
Two people can go through the same event and be affected very differently. A child who has a caring adult to turn to after a hard experience may be affected differently than one who has no one. Age, support, past experiences and what else was happening at the time all make a difference.
That's why comparing your experiences to other people's rarely helps. Little t trauma can have a big impact, and big T trauma doesn't always leave lasting symptoms. What matters is how it's affecting you now.
Why "it wasn't that bad" can keep you stuck
Minimizing is a very human response. It can protect you from painful feelings, and it may be what you were taught growing up. But telling yourself it wasn't that bad can also stop you from getting support for something that is genuinely weighing on you.
You might find yourself thinking:
"I have no right to feel this way."
"Other people had it worse."
"I should be over this by now."
If those thoughts sound familiar, it may help to remember that your feelings don't need to pass a test to be real.
Is my experience trauma?
People often ask, "Is my experience trauma?" There's no simple quiz that can answer that, and it isn't necessary to settle the question before getting help. A more useful question might be: "Is this still affecting my life?" If the answer is yes, support can help, whatever you call it.
Signs it may still be affecting you
Past hurts, big or small, can show up in the present. You might notice:
feeling on edge, jumpy or always on guard
strong reactions that seem bigger than the situation
a harsh inner critic or deep sense of shame
trouble trusting people or feeling close to them
people-pleasing or struggling to say no
avoiding certain places, people or memories
feeling numb, disconnected or "not really here"
ongoing anxiety or low mood
This isn't a checklist to score. If several of these feel familiar, it might be worth talking with someone.
How therapy helps
Trauma therapy isn't about reliving every painful memory. It's about helping your mind and body feel safer, so the past has less control over the present. Our therapists may draw on approaches such as:
EMDR, which helps the brain process painful memories so they feel less charged
Somatic approaches, which pay attention to how stress and memories show up in the body
Internal Family Systems (IFS), which helps you understand and care for different parts of yourself, including the parts that carry pain
CBT, which helps you notice and shift thoughts and beliefs that formed from past experiences
Our post on what happens in an EMDR session walks through what to expect.
Finding the right trauma therapist
Fit and pacing matter a lot in trauma work. A good trauma therapist will go at your pace, help you feel grounded before going deeper and check in often about how you're doing. You're always in charge of what you share and when.
During a free consultation, you can ask about a therapist's approach and how they work with trauma. Our trauma and PTSD counselling page explains more. Our psychologists can also assess for PTSD and complex PTSD if you'd like a clear answer.
What healing can look like
Healing rarely means forgetting. More often, it means the memories lose some of their sting. You might notice you react less strongly to old triggers, speak to yourself more kindly or feel safer letting people close. It can feel like finally putting down something you've carried for years. Progress can be gradual, with good weeks and harder ones, and that's normal. Your therapist can help you notice changes you might otherwise miss.
Little t trauma in adulthood
Little t trauma doesn't only happen in childhood. A toxic workplace, a long stretch of caregiving, a painful divorce or years of feeling unsupported can all leave a mark in adult life too. These experiences deserve attention, even if you've "handled" them on the outside.
You don't have to earn support
You don't need a dramatic story to deserve care. If something from your past is still shaping how you feel, think or relate to others, that's reason enough to reach out.
Getting started
We offer counselling in person in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge and Ottawa, and online anywhere in Ontario on a secure, encrypted video platform.
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
Depending on your plan, insurance may cover some or all of the cost. Coverage varies, so check your plan.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers, including for sessions with a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying). Desjardins is the exception: through TELUS eClaims, we can direct bill Desjardins for sessions with an RSW, RP or psychologist, but not for an RP (Qualifying).
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. You can share as much or as little as you'd like.
If you're in crisis: if you or anyone else is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're having thoughts of suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time. More options are on our crisis lines page.
Smaller hurts can still leave a mark. With support, they can also heal.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Trauma, CAMH
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)