Talking to your teen about sexting can feel awkward for both of you. Many parents are not sure when to bring it up, what to say or how to react if they find out it has already happened. The good news is that calm, ongoing talks tend to help far more than one big lecture. This guide covers how common sexting is, how to start the conversation, what to cover, what to do if you find out and what helps if a photo has been shared.
This post is general information, not legal or medical advice.
What sexting is, and how common it is
Sexting means sending, receiving or forwarding sexual messages, photos or videos, usually by phone. For teens, it can happen in a dating relationship, as a joke, under pressure or as a way to fit in.
A large review of studies from around the world found that a meaningful minority of teens have sent or received a sext. It also found that forwarding a sext without consent happens too (see Sources). So while most teens are not sexting, it is common enough that most teens will hear about it, see it or be asked at some point.
Another review found that sexting was linked with some other behaviours and with mental health concerns, such as anxiety and low mood (see Sources). That does not mean sexting causes these problems. It means it is worth paying attention to how your teen is doing overall.
Why calm talks work better than scare tactics
It is natural to want to protect your child by warning them about every danger. But fear-based talks often backfire. Teens may tune out, feel judged or decide never to come to you if something goes wrong.
The aim is different. You want your teen to know three things: you are a safe person to talk to, they always have the right to say no, and if something goes wrong, you will help rather than punish.
Calm talks also model what healthy relationships look like. When you speak respectfully about consent and privacy, you show your teen how those ideas work in real life.
How to start the conversation
You do not need a perfect moment. Short, casual talks often go better than a formal sit-down. Some easy ways in:
A news story, show or song that touches on phones and privacy
A chat in the car, where you are side by side rather than face to face
A question like, "Do people at your school ever get pressured to send pics?"
Telling your teen you read something and want their take on it
Ask more than you tell. Listen to what they already know and think. You might be surprised by how much thought they have given it.
If your teen shuts down, that is okay. Let them know the door is open and try again another day. One short talk that ends calmly is better than a long one that ends in a fight.
What to cover with your teen
Over time, try to cover a few key ideas. You do not need to say them all at once.
Consent goes both ways. No one should pressure your teen to send a photo, and your teen should never pressure anyone else. Our post on teaching kids about consent and boundaries has ideas for talking about this at any age.
Photos can travel. Once an image is sent, the sender loses control over it. Even apps that say messages disappear can be screenshotted.
Forwarding hurts people. If someone shares a sext with your teen, the kind and right thing is not to pass it on. Forwarding can deeply hurt the person in the photo.
The law takes this seriously. In Canada, the Criminal Code makes it a crime to knowingly share an intimate image of someone without their consent (see Sources). You can explain this in general terms, without trying to scare your teen.
Saying no is always okay. Help your teen practise simple ways to say no, like "Not my thing" or "I'm not doing that." Let them know they can blame you: "My parents check my phone."
Signs your teen may be under pressure
Some teens will not tell you directly when something is wrong. A few signs that may be worth a gentle check-in:
Seeming anxious or upset after using their phone
Pulling away from friends, or avoiding school or activities
Being very secretive about a new relationship
Changes in sleep, mood or appetite that last
These signs can have many causes. The goal is not to accuse, but to open the door. You might say, "You've seemed stressed lately. I'm here if you want to talk about anything."
What to do if you find out your teen has been sexting
Finding out can bring up shock, fear or anger. Before you respond, take a breath. How you react in the first few minutes can shape whether your teen trusts you next time.
Stay calm. Try to keep your voice steady, even if you are upset inside. You can say, "I need a moment to think, and then let's talk."
Listen first. Ask what happened before you jump to rules. Was your teen pressured? Did they send, receive or forward something?
Focus on safety, not shame. Your teen may already feel embarrassed. Shaming them can make them hide things in the future.
Talk about next steps together. That might mean deleting images, blocking someone or changing privacy settings. Let your teen be part of the plan where you can.
Avoid taking the phone as a first reaction. Losing their phone can feel like a big punishment. It may teach your teen to hide things rather than come to you.
What helps if a photo was shared
If an image of your teen has been shared without their consent, they may feel panic, shame or fear about school and friends. Your support matters more than anything right now.
Remind them that this is not their fault. Sharing someone's image without consent is wrong, and the blame belongs with the person who shared it. Let them know you are on their side.
Do not forward or copy the image yourself, even to show someone else. Help your teen take a break from their phone and social media if they need it. Keep an eye on their mood and sleep in the days that follow.
When counselling can help
Sometimes a teen needs more than a parent can give. That is not a failure. A counsellor can offer a private space for your teen to work through shame, anxiety or hurt. Our teen counselling page explains how we work with young people and their families.
Counselling can also help parents. You may need a place to sort out your own fear or anger so you can show up calmly for your teen. Our team offers sessions in person and through online counselling across Ontario.
Cost, billing and your first step
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers. Coverage depends on your plan, so check with your insurer before you start.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. We can talk through what is happening and help match your teen or your family with a counsellor who fits.
If you're in crisis: if you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Madigan S, et al. "Prevalence of Multiple Forms of Sexting Behavior Among Youth: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis." JAMA Pediatrics, 2018. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5875316/
Mori C, et al. "Association of Sexting With Sexual Behaviors and Mental Health Among Adolescents: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis." JAMA Pediatrics, 2019. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6580450/
Government of Canada, Justice Laws Website. Criminal Code, section 162.1 (publication of an intimate image without consent). https://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/c-46/section-162.1.html