Your friend just told you their marriage is ending. Maybe you saw it coming, maybe you didn't. Either way, you want to help, and you're not sure what to say. This guide covers how to support someone going through a divorce: what they may be feeling, what to say and what to skip, how to stay close without taking sides, practical help that matters, what changes when kids are involved and when counselling can help.
This post is general information, not legal, financial or treatment advice.
What they may be feeling
Divorce can bring a mix of feelings all at once. Your friend might feel grief for the life they planned, shock, anger, fear about the future, guilt, loneliness and, sometimes, relief. Those feelings can change from day to day, or hour to hour.
Even when a divorce is the right decision, it's still a loss. It can touch their home, routines, finances, friendships and sense of who they are. Knowing that can help you meet them with patience, whatever mood they're in when you call.
What to say to someone going through a divorce
You don't need perfect words. If you're wondering what to say to someone going through a divorce, simple and sincere usually works best:
"I'm so sorry. I'm here for you."
"You don't have to explain anything. How are you doing today?"
"Do you want to talk about it, or would a distraction help more?"
"I'm free Thursday. Can I bring dinner over?"
And what to skip:
"I never liked them anyway."
"You'll find someone better."
"At least you didn't have kids," or "At least you're young."
asking for details they haven't offered
rushing them toward dating or "moving on"
If they're the one who chose to leave
Sometimes your friend is the one who ended the marriage. People may assume they're fine, or even judge them. But choosing to leave can still bring grief, guilt and fear, and they may feel they've lost the right to be sad. Offer the same care you would to anyone going through a loss. "It can be the right choice and still really hurt" is a kind thing to hear.
When they need to talk it through, again and again
Your friend may tell the same story many times. Retelling can be a way of making sense of a big change. Try to listen with patience, even if you've heard it before. If you're feeling stretched, it's okay to gently shift: "I'm always here to listen. Do you want to do something fun together tonight, too?" A mix of talking and normal life can help.
Taking sides, and staying close
It's natural to feel protective of your friend. But criticizing their ex can backfire, especially if they're still grieving or co-parenting, or if they reconcile later. Instead, focus on your friend's feelings and needs: "That sounds incredibly painful" supports them without adding fuel.
If you're friends with both people, it's okay to say, "I care about you both, and I'm not going to take sides, but I'm here for you." Then show up.
How to help someone going through a divorce, practically
Practical help can mean a lot. If you're thinking about how to help someone going through a divorce, try specific offers:
drop off a meal or groceries
help with school pickups or an hour of childcare
help pack, move or set up a new place
keep them company before a hard appointment or conversation
invite them to low-key plans, like a walk or a movie night
What to leave out: legal, financial or custody advice. Even with good intentions, it can add stress or confusion. Those questions belong with the professionals your friend chooses. Your role is to be a steady friend.
How to help someone going through a divorce with kids
When children are involved, everything can feel heavier. If you're working out how to help someone going through a divorce with kids, a few ideas:
offer kid-friendly help, like an afternoon at the park so your friend can rest
never speak badly of the other parent in front of the children
keep your own reactions calm when kids are around
be a warm, steady adult in the kids' lives
Our post on talking to young children about divorce has gentle ideas for parents, which you can share if your friend is looking for words.
How to help someone going through a bad divorce
Some divorces are high conflict. If you're trying to figure out how to help someone going through a bad divorce, steady support matters even more. Listen without escalating, help them take breaks from the conflict and encourage them to lean on people they trust.
If anyone is being hurt or threatened, safety comes first. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. Our page on support for survivors of violence explains how we help people affected by violence or abuse.
How to support a friend going through a divorce over the long haul
Support can pour in during the first weeks, then fade. Knowing how to support a friend going through a divorce over months matters just as much. Mark your calendar for hard dates, like their anniversary, the first holidays or the day the paperwork is final. A quick message on those days can mean a lot.
Keep inviting them to things, even if they say no for a while. Celebrate new routines, new homes and small wins.
How to support a family member going through a divorce
If you want to know how to support a family member going through a divorce, the same ideas apply, with a few extras. Family gatherings can be complicated, so ask how they'd like to handle holidays and events. Respect their choices about what to tell others. And if you're a grandparent, aunt or uncle, being a steady, neutral presence for the kids can be one of the biggest gifts you give.
Mutual friends and social media
Divorce can reshape a whole friend group. Avoid passing along news about the ex, and think twice before posting or commenting about the split online. If your friend wants to talk about who knows what, follow their lead. Protecting their privacy is a quiet but powerful way to show you're on their side.
Looking after yourself as the supporter
Supporting someone through a divorce can be draining, especially if it stirs up your own memories or if you're close to both people. It's okay to have limits. You can care deeply and still say, "I can't talk tonight, but I'm free tomorrow." Keep up your own rest and relationships.
When counselling can help
You can gently suggest counselling if your friend seems stuck, overwhelmed, very low or anxious, or if they say they don't know how to cope. Try: "You've been carrying so much. Would it help to talk to someone who's outside of all this?"
Individual counselling offers a private place to grieve, manage stress and plan next steps. Family therapy can help parents and children adjust to big changes. Learn more on our individual counselling page.
We offer counselling in person in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge and Ottawa, and online anywhere in Ontario on a secure, encrypted video platform.
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
Depending on your plan, insurance may cover some or all of the cost. Coverage varies, so check your plan.
We can direct bill many insurers, including for sessions with a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying). Desjardins is the exception: through TELUS eClaims, we can direct bill Desjardins for sessions with an RSW, RP or psychologist, but not for an RP (Qualifying).
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team, for them or for you.
If you're in crisis: if anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. If you or someone you love is thinking about suicide or self-harm, call or text 9-8-8 any time.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Divorce and health: current trends and future directions (Psychosomatic Medicine, 2015), peer-reviewed, via NIH PubMed Central