A coworker has lost someone. You see them in the hallway, or their name pops up in a meeting, and you freeze. Should you say something? Will it make things worse? Grief at work can feel awkward, but a few kind words and small gestures can matter a lot. This guide covers how to support a grieving coworker: what to say, what to skip, cards and group gestures, their first day back, help that respects boundaries and how support can continue over time.
This post is general information, not workplace, legal or treatment advice.
Why grief at work is awkward, and why it still matters
Work has its own rules. We're used to keeping things professional, and grief doesn't fit neatly into that. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, and end up saying nothing at all.
But silence can feel lonely to someone who's grieving. A simple acknowledgment tells your coworker they're seen as a person, not just a role. You don't need to be close to them to offer that.
What to say to a grieving coworker
If you're wondering what to say to a grieving coworker, short and sincere is best. A few examples:
"I was so sorry to hear about your mom."
"I'm thinking of you."
"No need to reply. I just wanted you to know I care."
"If you'd like to talk, I'm around. If not, that's okay too."
What to say to a grieving colleague you don't know well? Even a quick "I'm sorry for your loss" is enough. What to say to a work colleague who is grieving and is also your friend? You can add a memory, offer specific help or simply ask how they're doing today.
What to skip
Some phrases tend to hurt more than help:
"Everything happens for a reason."
"At least they lived a long life."
"I know exactly how you feel."
"Let me know if you need anything," with nothing specific behind it
asking how the person died, or for other details
Try not to compare losses or tell long stories about your own grief. Let your coworker lead.
What to send a coworker who is grieving
If your team wants to do something, there are many thoughtful options. What to send a coworker who is grieving can depend on your workplace and your relationship. Some common types of gestures:
A sympathy card. A simple card signed by the team, with short personal notes, is a classic for good reason.
A personal note. A few handwritten lines from you can mean more than any gift.
A team collection. Some teams pool money for flowers, a meal delivery or a donation to a cause the family has named.
Practical comfort. A gift card for meals or groceries can ease a busy, hard time.
A small plant or keepsake. Something lasting, if it fits the person.
Before sending anything to their home, consider whether they'd welcome it. When in doubt, a card is always appropriate.
Their first day back
Returning to work after a loss can feel strange and heavy. A few ways to make it easier:
greet them warmly and normally, without making a scene
a brief "It's good to see you. I'm so sorry about your dad" is enough
don't push them to talk, and don't avoid them either
let them decide how much to share with the team
Some people want work to feel normal. Others need more quiet. Watch for cues, and follow their lead.
How to help a grieving coworker with practical support
Knowing how to help a grieving coworker often comes down to small, practical things that respect boundaries:
offer to cover a specific task or meeting
send a quick check-in message a week or two later
invite them to lunch or a walk, with no pressure to talk about grief
be patient if they seem distracted or tired
Grief can affect concentration, energy and memory. A little grace goes a long way.
Remote and hybrid teams
If you work remotely, grief can be even easier to miss. A private message or a short call can mean as much as a hallway conversation. Keep it simple: "I heard about your loss and wanted to say I'm so sorry." On video calls, avoid putting them on the spot in front of the group. A team card can still be shared digitally, or mailed if they're comfortable with that.
If the whole team is grieving
Sometimes the loss is a coworker. When a colleague dies, a whole team may be grieving together, and people react in very different ways. Some want to share memories, others prefer quiet. Make room for both. A shared memory book, a moment to remember them together or simply acknowledging that work feels different right now can help. If you're struggling yourself, that's okay. Your grief counts too.
For managers and team leads
If you lead a team, you have a special role. Knowing how to support a grieving employee can shape how they feel about returning. A few ideas, in general terms:
reach out personally and privately to express your condolences
ask what would help as they return, and check in again later
consider flexibility where you can, like adjusted tasks or meetings
let the team know, with the person's permission, how they'd like news shared
Workplace policies vary, so your coworker or employee can ask their employer about what applies to them. Your part is to lead with kindness.
Looking after yourself
Supporting someone through grief can stir up your own losses. If a coworker's news brings back memories, give yourself some care too. Take a short break, talk to someone you trust or reach out for support of your own.
Grief doesn't end after the funeral
Grief doesn't follow a schedule. Weeks and months later, your coworker may still be struggling, even if they look fine. Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can be especially hard.
A note on a difficult date, like "Thinking of you today," can mean a great deal. So can simply remembering to ask, "How are you holding up?" long after others have stopped.
When grief seems to be getting heavier
Sometimes grief stays very heavy, or begins to look like depression. You might notice a coworker who seems hopeless, withdrawn or unable to function for a long time. You're not their therapist, but you can gently express care and mention that support is available.
If a coworker talks about not wanting to be here, or you're worried about their safety, take it seriously. Encourage them to call or text 9-8-8 any time, and call 911 if anyone is in immediate danger.
How grief counselling helps
Grief counselling offers a private place to talk about the loss, manage how grief shows up in daily life, including at work, and find ways to carry it. Our posts on grief counselling in Ottawa and grief counselling in Cambridge explain what sessions can look like. We offer grief counselling at every office.
We offer counselling in person in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge and Ottawa, and online anywhere in Ontario on a secure, encrypted video platform.
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
Depending on your plan, insurance may cover some or all of the cost. Coverage varies, so check your plan.
We can direct bill many insurers, including for sessions with a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying). Desjardins is the exception: through TELUS eClaims, we can direct bill Desjardins for sessions with an RSW, RP or psychologist, but not for an RP (Qualifying).
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team, for your coworker or for yourself.
If you're in crisis: if anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide or self-harm, call or text 9-8-8 any time. More options are on our crisis lines page.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Grief, MedlinePlus, U.S. National Library of Medicine (NIH)