Have you ever known you should change something, but couldn't quite make yourself do it? Maybe it's drinking less, quitting vaping, leaving a job or taking your health more seriously. Part of you wants to change. Another part isn't so sure. If that sounds familiar, you're not lazy or broken. You're ambivalent, and that's completely normal. Motivational interviewing is a counselling approach designed for exactly this feeling. This article explains what motivational interviewing is, how it works, what a session sounds like and who it can help.
The short version: motivational interviewing helps you find your own reasons for change, instead of being told what to do.
What is motivational interviewing?
Motivational interviewing, often called MI, is a collaborative way of talking about change. It was developed in the 1980s and 1990s by psychologists William Miller and Stephen Rollnick, first to help people with alcohol problems. Since then, it has been used for many kinds of change, from substance use to health habits to big life decisions.
The core idea is simple. People are more likely to change when they hear themselves explain why change matters to them, rather than when someone else lectures, warns or pushes. A counsellor using MI doesn't argue or try to convince you. Instead, they help you explore your mixed feelings and strengthen your own motivation.
Why ambivalence is normal
Ambivalence means feeling two ways about something at once. For example:
"I want to cut back on drinking, but it's how I relax."
"I know I should leave this job, but I'm scared of the unknown."
"I want to exercise more, but I'm exhausted after work."
These mixed feelings aren't a sign that you don't really want to change. They're a natural part of the process. The trouble is that when someone pushes us hard in one direction, we often defend the other side. That's why lectures and ultimatums so often backfire.
MI works with ambivalence instead of against it.
The spirit of motivational interviewing
Miller and Rollnick describe MI as having a particular "spirit," or attitude, built on four parts:
Partnership: you and your counsellor work side by side. You're the expert on your life.
Acceptance: your counsellor respects your right to make your own choices, even ones they wouldn't make.
Compassion: the focus is on your well-being, not on the counsellor's agenda.
Empowerment: the answers and motivation come from you. Your counsellor helps draw them out.
What happens in a motivational interviewing session?
MI often feels like a relaxed, respectful conversation. Counsellors use a set of core skills, sometimes remembered as OARS.
Open questions
Instead of yes or no questions, your counsellor asks questions that invite you to reflect, like "What concerns you about your drinking?" or "How would your life be different if you made this change?"
Affirmations
Your counsellor notices and names your strengths and efforts: "You've been really honest about something that's hard to talk about."
Reflections
Your counsellor reflects back what they hear, so you feel understood and can hear your own thoughts more clearly. "It sounds like part of you is tired of feeling hungover on weekends, and part of you worries about losing your social life."
Summaries
From time to time, your counsellor pulls together what you've said, which helps you see the bigger picture.
Listening for "change talk"
A key part of MI is noticing what's called change talk. These are the things you say that point toward change, such as:
Desire: "I want to feel healthier."
Ability: "I think I could cut back on weekdays."
Reasons: "My kids notice when I've been drinking."
Need: "I have to do something about this."
Commitment: "I'm going to try."
Your counsellor will gently invite and strengthen change talk. At the same time, they won't ignore the reasons you give for staying the same. Those matter too, and understanding them helps you plan realistic next steps.
Planning for change
Once you feel ready, MI moves toward planning. You decide what change you want, how big a step to take and what might get in the way. The plan is yours, not your counsellor's. If you're not ready yet, that's okay. Many people find that simply exploring their mixed feelings without pressure helps them move forward in their own time.
Motivational interviewing and the stages of change
MI is often talked about alongside the stages of change, a model developed by researchers James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente. It describes how people tend to move through change:
Precontemplation: not yet thinking about change
Contemplation: weighing the pros and cons, often feeling stuck
Preparation: getting ready and making a plan
Action: actively making changes
Maintenance: keeping the change going over time
People often move back and forth between stages, and slips are a normal part of the process. MI can be helpful at any stage, but it's especially useful in contemplation, when you're caught between wanting to change and wanting things to stay the same.
What can motivational interviewing help with?
MI has been studied for many kinds of change. Research reviews have found that it can help with a range of behaviours, especially alcohol and other substance use. It's commonly used for:
alcohol, cannabis and other substance use
smoking and vaping
gambling and gaming
eating, exercise and other health habits
taking medication as prescribed
managing chronic health conditions
stress and burnout
career and relationship decisions
getting started in therapy when you're unsure
MI is often combined with other approaches. For example, a therapist might use MI to help you decide what you want to change, then use cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) skills to help you make that change. Learn more about our addiction counselling if substance use is part of what you're working on.
Motivational interviewing for families
If you're worried about someone else's drinking, drug use or health, the ideas behind MI can help you, too. Asking open questions, listening without judgment and reflecting what you hear can lower defensiveness and open up more honest conversations. A therapist can help you practise these skills. Our family therapy services can support the whole family.
What MI is not
It's not a trick to get you to do what someone else wants. The goals are yours.
It's not passive. Counsellors guide the conversation with purpose.
It's not only for addiction. It can help with almost any change.
It's not a quick fix. But some people notice a shift in just a few sessions.
Getting started at Transformation Counselling
Some of our therapists use motivational interviewing, often along with CBT, ACT and other approaches. We offer sessions in person in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge and Ottawa, and online across Ontario. You don't need a referral, and evening and weekend appointments are available.
Sessions with our therapists are $130 to $200, and there is a one-time $50 setup fee. Many workplace benefit plans cover therapy with a registered psychotherapist, social worker or psychologist.
If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 at any time. In Waterloo Region you can also call Here 24/7 at 1-844-437-3247. In an emergency, call 911.
Frequently asked questions
Do I need to be ready to change to try motivational interviewing?
No. MI is designed for people who are unsure. You can come in simply wanting to talk things through.
How long does motivational interviewing take?
It varies. Some people find a few sessions helpful. Others use MI as part of longer therapy.
Can motivational interviewing be done online?
Yes. MI is conversation-based, so it works well in online sessions from home.
Will my counsellor tell me to quit?
No. Your counsellor won't make decisions for you. They'll help you explore what you want and why.
Is motivational interviewing evidence-based?
Yes. MI has been studied in many research trials, especially for alcohol and substance use, and it's widely used in health care.
Take the first step
You don't have to have it all figured out to start. Book a free 15-minute consultation and ask about therapists who use motivational interviewing. Or you can book an appointment directly.