You're cutting an apple, or standing at a window, or holding someone you love. Then a thought shows up that you would never choose. It's harsh, or violent, or sexual, or it goes against everything you believe. It's gone in a second, but you aren't. Your heart is racing, and the question is already forming: what kind of person thinks that?
This page is about that question. It isn't a how-to for treating anything. It's about what a thought does and doesn't tell you about who you are, because the meaning you give a thought often hurts more than the thought does. If you want to know how treatment for repeating, unwanted thoughts works, our guide to Pure O, intrusive thoughts and ERP covers it.
What is an intrusive thought?
An intrusive thought is an unwanted thought, image or urge that pops into your mind without being asked. CAMH describes obsessions as uninvited or intrusive thoughts, urges or images that come to mind over and over. The same page notes that everyone has bothersome worries now and again.
Researchers who study students write that almost everyone occasionally experiences thoughts that enter the mind abruptly and feel unwanted. They list themes such as contamination, doubts about mistakes, harm, sexual thoughts that feel wrong, religion, and order. So the content is not rare, even when it feels like a secret.
What makes the thought land so hard isn't its subject. It's the meaning you attach to it in the next few seconds. That's where the myths start.
Myth: a dark thought says something about who I am
A thought is an event in your mind, like a sneeze is an event in your nose. It tells you your brain is busy and can produce all kinds of material, including material that clashes with your values.
Look at what the thought makes you feel. People who are upset by an unwanted thought are often upset because it goes against what they care about. Someone who loves their child doesn't feel sick about a thought of harm because they secretly want it. They feel sick because they love that child.
A thought is also not a wish, a plan or a prediction. Having an idea in your head is not the same as wanting it, and wanting something is not the same as doing it.
Myth: if I push it away hard enough, it will stop
This one feels like common sense. The thought is awful, so you try to get rid of it. You change the subject in your head, you argue with it, or you tell yourself to stop.
Studies of trying not to think about something find that the thought tends to come back more often afterward, though results vary from study to study. Many people notice this in everyday life. Tell yourself not to think of a white bear, and there it is.
It also sends your mind a message. If you fight a thought, you're saying it's an emergency. Your mind, doing its job, keeps it close in case it's important. A thought you let drift past tends to fade faster. A thought you wrestle with can follow you for days.
Myth: I need to work out why I had it
Many people turn into detectives. Why did that come up? What does it mean? Did I mean it? Maybe I should go over the whole day again, just to be sure.
It feels responsible, and it feels like it will lead to an answer. Usually it doesn't. The question often can't be settled with more thinking, because the thought usually holds no hidden message. It came from a busy mind that tossed up a strange idea.
The checking itself can also teach your mind that the thought is important. Each time you go over it, the thought gets a bit more attention, and it starts to feel as if it needs to be solved. You don't have to answer every thought your mind sends. Most of them are noise.
Myth: everyone else has a quiet mind
A lot of the pain here is secrecy. Because these thoughts are so upsetting, most people never say them out loud. So each person believes they're the only one whose mind does this.
The research suggests otherwise. The study of student thoughts above calls unwanted intrusions a common experience. The person next to you on the bus may have had a thought like yours this week, and kept it quiet for the same reason.
You may notice that a thought stops being so powerful once you say it to a safe person. That's not a cure for anything. It just takes away the extra weight of thinking you're the only one.
Myth: intrusive thoughts always mean OCD
This is the opposite worry, and it's common too. Once you've read about OCD, every strange thought can look like a sign.
CAMH describes OCD as obsessions, compulsions, or both, which are time-consuming or get in the way of daily life. NIMH describes OCD as uncontrollable and recurring thoughts, repetitive and excessive behaviours, or both. MedlinePlus adds that the thoughts and behaviours happen over and over and interfere with your life.
So the difference isn't the thought. It's what's happening around it. How much time does it take? Do you do things to cancel it or make sure it's safe, such as checking, repeating, avoiding or going over it in your head? Does it keep you from things you want to do?
Having intrusive thoughts doesn't mean you have OCD. And only a qualified professional can tell you whether OCD, anxiety or something else is part of your picture. At our clinic, psychologists diagnose, and our Nurse Practitioners can assess and diagnose too. We don't expect you to work it out on your own, and this page isn't a diagnosis.
What thoughts do and don't mean
Here's the short version.
A thought is a mental event, not a decision.
An unwanted thought that upsets you usually reflects your values, not its opposite.
Trying hard to get rid of a thought tends to keep it close.
Thinking about a thought for hours rarely settles it.
Having these thoughts doesn't make you dangerous, broken or alone.
Time spent, distress, and the things you do to cope are better clues than the content.
A thought is not a plan. If a thought comes with a real urge to hurt someone, or a plan to hurt yourself, that is different, and it matters. Tell someone you trust right away, and use the crisis lines in the last section.
When it's time to get support
You don't have to wait for things to get bad. It may be time to talk to someone if the thoughts take up a lot of your day, if you're doing rituals or avoiding things to feel safe, if you can't stop checking, or if the worry about the thoughts has become the main problem.
Support can help you understand what your mind is doing and how to respond differently. You can read about OCD counselling on our site, and about anxiety counselling for worry that won't settle.
A good first step is a free 15-minute consultation. You can describe what's been happening, and you don't have to share the details of the thoughts to get started.
Individual sessions with our therapists are $130 to $200, and there's a one-time $50 setup fee for new clients, which isn't charged for the free consultation. Depending on your plan, your insurance may cover the full session fee. We offer online sessions across Ontario, and offices in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge and Ottawa.
If you're taking medication or wondering about it, raise it with your prescriber or ask about our Nurse Practitioners, and don't stop anything on your own.
If your thoughts turn toward not wanting to be here
Sometimes a thought isn't a stray one. It's a quiet, steady wish to not be here. If that's you, please reach out now. You can call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night. In Waterloo Region, Here 24/7 is 1-844-437-3247. If you're in danger right now, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency department.