From the outside, an eating disorder can look like a choice or a phase. From the inside, it often feels like a loud, constant voice that never takes a day off. If you've wondered what is it like to have an eating disorder, whether for yourself or someone you love, this post describes what it can feel like, why it's so hard to let go and how counselling helps. You may recognize some of it. You may not recognize all of it. Both are okay.
This post is general information, not a diagnosis or a treatment plan. If you're struggling, you deserve support, whatever your body looks like.
A gentle note: this post doesn't include weights, numbers or details about eating disorder behaviours. If reading about this topic is hard for you today, it's okay to stop and come back later.
Eating disorders are not a choice
The U.S. National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) describes eating disorders as serious illnesses, and is clear that they are not a choice. NIMH also notes that eating disorders can affect people of all ages, racial and ethnic backgrounds, body weights and sexes, and that people can recover with treatment.
That matters, because one of the hardest parts of living with an eating disorder is believing you don't "look sick enough" to deserve help. Anyone can have an eating disorder. You can't tell by looking.
The noise that never stops
If you're trying to picture what it feels like to have an eating disorder, think of noise. It can feel like a running commentary in your head: planning, checking, comparing, judging. It can be there when you wake up and still be there when you're trying to fall asleep.
That noise takes up space. It can make it hard to focus on a conversation, enjoy a movie or be fully present with people you love. Many of the moments others take for granted can feel like work.
Eating disorder thoughts can feel like your own
Eating disorder thoughts often don't feel like symptoms. They can sound like your own voice, or like common sense. "You don't deserve that." "You'll feel better if you just..." "Everyone is looking at you."
Sometimes those thoughts promise safety, control or calm. That's part of why they can be so convincing. Learning to notice the difference between your own voice and the eating disorder's voice is often an early step in recovery.
Rules, control and the illusion of safety
Many eating disorders come with rules. Rules about when, what, how and how much. Rules can feel comforting at first, especially when life feels out of control. Following them can bring a brief sense of relief, achievement or calm.
But the rules tend to multiply and tighten. Breaking one can bring a wave of guilt or panic. Over time, the eating disorder can start to make decisions about where you go, who you see and what you do.
Shame and hiding
Shame is a big part of living with an eating disorder. You might hide what you're going through, make excuses to skip plans, or feel exposed when someone comments on food or bodies, even kindly.
Hiding takes energy and can be very lonely. It can also mean that people close to you have no idea how much you're carrying.
What is it like to have binge eating disorder?
What is it like to have binge eating disorder? NIMH describes binge eating disorder as regularly losing control over eating, often followed by feelings of distress, shame or guilt. It can feel like your body and mind are being pulled in opposite directions, followed by a heavy wave of shame and a promise to "do better tomorrow."
People with binge eating disorder are often told, directly or not, that they just need more willpower. That message adds to the shame and misses what's really going on. Binge eating disorder is a mental health condition, and it deserves care and compassion like any other.
What it can look like to others
What does it look like to have an eating disorder, from the outside? Often, not much. People may seem busy, organized, cheerful or "fine." Some signs loved ones might notice are pulling back from social plans, more anxiety or irritability, or a lot of focus on body image. But an eating disorder can be well hidden. NIMH notes that even people who appear healthy can have one, and you can't tell how someone is doing from their size or shape.
What is it like to have an eating disorder as an adult?
Eating disorders are often pictured as something that only affects teen girls. In reality, many adults live with them, sometimes for years, and sometimes starting later in life. Having an eating disorder as an adult can come with extra layers: juggling work, parenting or relationships while hiding what's happening, or feeling that you "should be past this by now." Adults deserve support just as much as anyone else.
Why letting go feels so hard
If the eating disorder causes so much pain, why is it so hard to let go? Because it often does something for the person. It might numb painful emotions, give a sense of control or achievement or feel like a way to cope with stress, trauma or loneliness.
Letting go can feel like losing a coping tool, or even part of your identity, before you've found something to put in its place. That's why recovery tends to be a gradual process, and why mixed feelings about it are normal. NIMH also notes that eating disorders often occur alongside depression and anxiety, which can make things feel even heavier.
What recovery can feel like
Recovery isn't a straight line. There can be good days and hard days. Over time, it can feel like the noise is getting quieter, with more room for relationships, interests and rest, and more ability to treat yourself with kindness. Recovery is possible, and it can happen at any age.
If someone you love has an eating disorder
Reading this as a partner, parent or friend? It may help to remember that the eating disorder is not the whole person. Try to focus on feelings rather than food or appearance. "I've noticed you seem really stressed lately, and I'm here" lands more gently than comments about eating or bodies. Avoid praising or criticizing anyone's size, including your own, in front of them. Be patient if they aren't ready to talk. Keep inviting them into ordinary life, and let them know support is available whenever they want it.
How counselling helps
Counselling offers a private, judgment-free place to talk about what's really going on. A therapist can help you understand what the eating disorder does for you, build other ways to cope with difficult feelings, work on body image and self-worth and address things that often travel with it, like anxiety, depression or trauma.
We offer eating disorder counselling at every office, including support for binge eating disorder. You don't need to be a certain size, or "sick enough," to reach out. If you love someone with an eating disorder, counselling can support you too.
Getting support
We offer counselling in person in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge and Ottawa, and online anywhere in Ontario on a secure, encrypted video platform.
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
Depending on your plan, insurance may cover some or all of the cost. Coverage varies, so check your plan.
We can direct bill many insurers, including for sessions with a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying). Desjardins is the exception: through TELUS eClaims, we can direct bill Desjardins for sessions with an RSW, RP or psychologist, but not for an RP (Qualifying).
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. You can share as much or as little as you're comfortable with.
If you're in crisis: if anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide or self-harm, call or text 9-8-8 any time. More options are on our crisis lines page.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Eating Disorders: What You Need to Know, National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
Eating Disorders, National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)