Saying goodbye at the airport. Falling asleep on a video call. Counting down to the next visit, then feeling flat when it's over. Long-distance relationships can be full of love and full of strain at the same time. Many couples make the distance work, and some find it brings them closer. This post looks at common problems, how to build trust and closeness from far apart, and how couples counselling can help when you're in two different places in Ontario.
This post is general information, not a diagnosis or relationship advice for your situation. Every couple is different.
Can long distance relationships work?
Yes, long distance relationships can work. Distance changes how you connect, but it doesn't decide whether you'll last. What seems to matter most is how you stay in touch and how you treat each other when you do.
A 2021 survey of young adults found that people in long-distance relationships who texted more often, and felt their partner responded with care, tended to be more satisfied with the relationship. The study shows a link, not proof of cause. But it fits with a simple idea: feeling heard and cared for in small, everyday ways matters, wherever you are.
Common long distance relationship problems
Every couple faces bumps. Some long distance relationship problems come up again and again:
Schedules and time zones. Finding time to talk can feel like a puzzle, especially with shift work or school.
Unequal effort. One person may feel they always call first or always travel.
Missing touch. Hugs, holding hands and simply being in the same room are hard to replace.
The visit high and the goodbye low. Visits can feel amazing, then leave you sad or irritable afterwards.
Missing out on daily life. You may not know their friends, routines or what their day really looks like.
No end date. Not knowing when you'll live in the same place can make the whole thing feel uncertain.
These problems are normal. Naming them together is the first step to handling them.
Trust in a long distance relationship
Trust in a long distance relationship can feel more fragile because you can't see each other's lives. A late reply or a night out with friends may set off worry or jealousy.
Some people try to calm that worry by checking social media, asking for proof or needing constant reassurance. That can bring relief for a moment, but it often makes the worry grow and puts strain on both of you.
What helps more is agreeing together on what feels respectful. That might include how often you check in, what you share about nights out, and how you'll talk about it if something bothers you. If you notice an anxious pull to seek closeness, or a pull to back away when things get intense, our post on anxious vs avoidant attachment may help you understand it.
How to make a long distance relationship work, day to day
If you're wondering how to make a long distance relationship work, small habits often matter more than big gestures.
Choose a contact rhythm together. Maybe a short call most days and a longer video date once a week. Pick what fits both of you, not what you think you "should" do.
Share the small stuff. A photo of your lunch, a quick voice note or a funny text helps you feel part of each other's day.
Do things side by side. Watch the same show, cook the same recipe or play a game online together. Date ideas don't need to be fancy.
Plan the next visit. Having a date on the calendar gives you both something to look forward to.
Plan for the goodbye too. Expect a dip after visits. Be gentle with each other, and plan something comforting for the day after.
Keep your own life full. Friends, hobbies and goals help you feel steady, and give you more to share.
Arguing well across the distance
Disagreements are part of any relationship. Distance just makes them trickier. Tone is easy to misread in text, and it's hard to make up when you can't hug.
Some tips that can help:
Move from text to a call when things get heated or complicated.
Pause if you need to. Say, "I need 20 minutes to calm down. I'll call you back." Then do.
Try not to hang up angry without a plan to reconnect.
Watch for harsh patterns like criticism, contempt and shutting down. Our post on the Gottman four horsemen explains these.
There's no single script for every argument. A 2017 research review found that gentle, validating talk helps in some situations, while clear, direct requests help when a problem is serious and can be changed. Part of the skill is knowing which one the moment needs.
Talking about the end date
Many long-distance couples say the hardest part is not knowing when it will end. Talking about the future can feel scary, but avoiding it can quietly build resentment.
Questions to talk through together:
Who might move, and when?
What would each of you be giving up, such as a job, school, family or friends?
What would you each need to feel okay about that change?
What happens if plans change?
You don't need every answer right away. But having a shared plan, even a rough one, can make the distance feel like a chapter rather than a waiting room.
A note on safety: if a partner uses threats, fear or control, that is not a distance problem. If you're in danger, call 911.
Signs it may be time to get support
Counselling isn't only for couples in crisis. It may help if:
The same argument keeps coming back, visit after visit
One or both of you feels lonely even when you talk every day
Jealousy or checking is taking over
You can't talk about the future without a fight
You're unsure whether to stay together, and you want to decide with care
Long distance relationship counselling, from two places in Ontario
Long distance relationship counselling can give you both a calm space to talk about trust, effort and the future. A therapist helps you understand each other's needs and break out of patterns that keep you stuck.
If you both live in Ontario, distance doesn't have to get in the way. With us, couples sessions happen in person together or online together. Partners can also join the same online session from two different places in Ontario, such as Ottawa and Waterloo. Sessions run on a secure video link we email to you, with nothing to download.
There is one important limit. Both partners need to be in Ontario during every online session. We can't see a partner who is in another province or another country at the time of the session, even for one meeting. If one of you lives outside Ontario, you can still plan sessions for times when you're both here, such as during a visit. Our admin team can talk through options in a free consultation.
Research on couples therapy by video is growing. A small 2022 trial found that couples who took part by video saw improvements in their relationship similar to couples who met face to face.
Learn more about our couples counselling.
You can see us in Kitchener, Waterloo, Cambridge or Ottawa, or by secure video from anywhere in Ontario, as long as both of you are in Ontario during the session.
Cost, billing and your first step
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers. Coverage depends on your plan, so check with your insurer before you start.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. Let them know you're in a long-distance relationship and would like couples counselling, and they'll help you find a good fit.
If you're in crisis: if you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Long-distance texting: text messaging is linked with higher relationship satisfaction in long-distance relationships, Holtzman and colleagues, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2021
Couples therapy delivered through videoconferencing: effects on relationship outcomes, mental health and the therapeutic alliance, Kysely and colleagues, Frontiers in Psychology, 2022
What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships?, Overall and McNulty, Current Opinion in Psychology, 2017