Maybe you open your phone and see a friend's new house, a coworker's promotion and someone your age running a marathon, all before breakfast. Suddenly your own life feels small and behind. You know comparison isn't helpful, but it's hard to switch off. If that sounds familiar, you're far from alone. This post explains why we compare ourselves to others, why it stings so much, and practical ways to stop comparing yourself to others on social media, at work and in life.
This post is general information, not a diagnosis or medical advice. If you're worried about your mental health, a counsellor or your doctor can help.
Why do I compare myself to others?
Comparing yourself to others is a normal human habit. We all use other people as a measuring stick to figure out how we're doing.
Psychologists call this social comparison. The APA Dictionary of Psychology explains that people judge their own abilities and attitudes in relation to others, and that this plays a big role in how we see ourselves. The idea was first described by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954.
There are three main types:
Upward comparison: comparing yourself to someone you see as doing better
Downward comparison: comparing yourself to someone you see as doing worse
Lateral comparison: comparing yourself to someone you see as about equal
So if you've wondered, "Why do I compare myself to others?", the short answer is that your brain is built to do it. The trouble starts when comparison becomes constant and leaves you feeling worse.
Why comparison so often makes you feel worse
When people compare, they often look up. A 2018 review of more than 60 years of research by Gerber and colleagues found that people tend to prefer upward comparisons, and that the most common reaction was contrast, meaning feeling worse by comparison.
Upward comparison doesn't always hurt. The APA Dictionary notes that, depending on the situation, it can also inspire us. But a few things tip it toward pain:
Highlight reels. You're comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else's best moments.
Life stages. Friends hit milestones at different times, and it can feel like a race.
Old family comparisons. If you were compared to a sibling growing up, that habit can stick.
Where comparison shows up
Comparing yourself to others can pop up almost anywhere:
Social media: trips, homes, relationships, success stories
Work and money: titles, salaries, who got the project
Parenting: milestones, routines, how other kids behave
Relationships: other couples who seem happier or more in sync
Bodies: comparing how you look can be especially painful, so treat yourself gently here
Comparison often comes with a fear of being left out. Our post on fear of missing out looks at that side of things.
Comparison anxiety and self-esteem
"Comparison anxiety" is an everyday phrase, not a diagnosis. People use it to describe the worry, tension and self-doubt that can come with constant comparing.
Comparison and self-esteem feed each other. Mayo Clinic describes thinking patterns that wear down self-esteem, like:
All-or-nothing thinking: "If I'm not the best, I'm a failure."
Mental filtering: focusing only on what you lack
Turning positives into negatives: "My win doesn't count."
Mistaking feelings for facts: "I feel behind, so I must be behind."
When these patterns are running, comparison hits harder. Noticing them is a good first step.
How to stop comparing yourself to others
You may never stop comparing completely, but you can loosen its grip. Try these steps:
Notice and name it. "I'm comparing again." Just naming it creates a little space.
Ask what it's really about. Envy often points to something you want. Is it rest? Recognition? Connection?
Compare with your past self. Look at how far you've come, not how far others have gone.
Trim specific triggers. Mute accounts or skip conversations that reliably leave you feeling low.
Use envy as information. If someone's life stings, ask what small step you could take toward what you want.
Practise gratitude and self-compassion. Not forced positivity, just honest kindness. Mayo Clinic suggests asking, "Would I say this to a friend?"
Step back from the thought. Mayo Clinic describes an approach from acceptance and commitment therapy: notice the thought, see it as words, and let it be there without obeying it.
These steps take practice. Be patient with yourself.
It can also help to build a life that feels full on its own terms. Spend time on things you enjoy for their own sake, not for how they look. Cook a meal. Take a walk. Call a friend. Learn something just because it's fun. The more your days feel meaningful to you, the less room comparison has. You don't need to win. You just need to live in a way that fits you.
How to stop comparing yourself to others on social media and at work
On social media: notice how you feel before and after you scroll. If certain accounts leave you feeling flat, mute or unfollow them for a while. Try scrolling with a question in mind, like "What am I looking for right now?" Often the answer is connection or rest, and there are better ways to get both. And remember that most posts show a moment, not a whole life. You can't see the bills, the fights or the bad days. Nobody posts those.
At work: a coworker's promotion can feel like your loss. Try turning comparison into curiosity. What skill do they have that you'd like to build? Then focus on your own next step, like asking for feedback or taking on one new task. If you feel like everyone your age is ahead of you, our post on the quarter-life crisis may help you feel less alone.
If you are thinking about suicide or hurting yourself, call or text 9-8-8 now. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911.
When comparison is part of something bigger
Sometimes comparison is a sign of something heavier. It may be time to reach out if:
Low mood lasts most days for a few weeks
Anxiety or self-doubt is affecting work, sleep or relationships
Thoughts about your body or eating feel out of control
You feel hopeless about ever being "enough"
If body or eating worries are part of the picture, our team also offers eating disorder counselling. Reaching out early can make a real difference. You don't have to wait until things feel serious. Talking to someone sooner can help you feel steadier faster.
How counselling can help with comparison
Counselling can help you understand why comparing yourself to others hits so hard, and how to build a steadier sense of worth. Our self-esteem counselling can help you stop comparing yourself to others by helping you:
Spot the thinking patterns that fuel comparison
Build self-worth that doesn't depend on others
Handle envy and self-doubt with more kindness
Set goals based on your own values
We also offer individual counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). CBT can help you question unhelpful thoughts. ACT can help you step back from them and move toward what matters to you.
You can see us in Kitchener, Waterloo, Cambridge or Ottawa, or by secure video from anywhere in Ontario.
Cost, billing and your first step
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers. Coverage depends on your plan, so check with your insurer before you start.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. Let them know comparison or self-esteem is what's bringing you in, and they'll help you find a good fit.
If you're in crisis: if you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Social comparison theory, APA Dictionary of Psychology
A social comparison theory meta-analysis 60+ years on, Gerber, Wheeler and Suls, Psychological Bulletin, 2018
Self-esteem: Take steps to feel better about yourself, Mayo Clinic