When you were a kid, friends seemed to just happen. You sat next to someone in class, and that was that. As an adult, it can feel much harder. Work, family and moving around leave fewer chances to meet people, and starting from scratch can feel awkward. If you are wondering how to make friends as an adult, you are far from alone. This guide looks at why it gets harder, why friends matter and practical steps that can help.
This post is general information, not a diagnosis or a treatment plan.
Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
It is not because something is wrong with you. Adult life simply has fewer built in places to meet people. Here are a few reasons it gets harder:
Fewer shared places. School put you in the same room as the same people every day. Adult life often does not.
Less free time. Work, commuting, kids and chores fill up the week.
Moves and life changes. A new city, a new job, a breakup or a new baby can scatter old friendships.
Friends drift into new stages. People marry, have kids or move away at different times.
Feeling like you have no friends in your 30s, 40s or later is more common than it looks. A 2025 study of a large group of American adults found that loneliness was highest in young adults, and that it was tied to big life changes, even for people who still had friends and company (Hall and colleagues, see Sources). Life changes can shake up friendships at any age.
Why friendships are worth the effort
Friendship is not just nice to have. A 2025 review by psychologist Robin Dunbar described a growing body of evidence that the number and quality of our close friend and family relationships are linked with mental and physical health and well being (see Sources). The same review notes that friendships need ongoing time and effort to keep going.
A large study from England found that adults who lived alone had higher rates of common mental health problems, and that loneliness explained much of that link (Jacob and colleagues, see Sources). That does not mean living alone causes poor mental health. It suggests that connection matters, wherever you live.
The good news is that you do not need a big circle. A few people you trust and enjoy can make a real difference.
Making friends as an adult, step by step
There is no magic trick. Making friends as an adult usually comes down to showing up, being a little brave and giving it time. Here is a simple path.
1. Pick places you can return to. Friendships grow from seeing the same people again and again. Look for something that meets weekly or every other week. That could be a class, a sports team, a volunteer shift, a faith or cultural group or a hobby club. One regular thing is better than many one time events.
2. Say yes more often. When a coworker invites you to lunch or a neighbour mentions a barbecue, try saying yes, even if part of you wants to stay home.
3. Follow up. After a good chat, follow up within a week. Send a quick message like, "It was great talking about that book. Want to grab a coffee after class next week?"
4. Move from group to one on one. Groups are a good place to meet people. Friendships often deepen when you spend time with someone one on one.
5. Suggest one small plan, then another. Keep it easy, such as a walk, a coffee or a shared errand. If it goes well, suggest another.
6. Be patient. Friendship takes repeated time together. It is normal for it to take months before someone feels like a real friend.
If you are wondering how to make new friends after moving, the same steps apply. In a new place, it can help to pick one regular activity in your first few weeks, before habits of staying in set in.
What to say when you do not know what to say. Small talk can feel forced, but it is how most friendships start. Try asking about something you share in that moment, like the class, the game or the neighbourhood. Then ask a follow up question and listen. Being curious about the other person is a simple way to keep a chat going. You do not need to be funny or impressive. Being friendly and showing up again next week counts for a lot.
What gets in the way, and gentle ways around it
Even with a plan, some things make connection harder. Here are a few common ones.
Fear of rejection. Reaching out can feel risky. What if they say no? It can help to remember that most people are pleased to be invited, even if they cannot make it. Our post on fear of rejection looks at this more closely.
Worry inside friendships. Some people make friends but then worry constantly about whether they are liked or doing it right. Our post on friendship anxiety explores that pattern.
Low energy or low mood. When you feel tired or down, reaching out can feel impossible. Start very small, such as replying to one message or going to one event and staying for half an hour.
Introversion. Being introverted does not mean you do not want friends. It may mean you prefer smaller groups, quieter places or shorter visits. That is fine. Choose settings that suit you.
Living alone. If you live alone, you may need to plan connection on purpose, because it will not happen at home by chance. Short, regular contact, like a weekly call or a standing walk, can help.
When counselling can help
Sometimes the barriers feel bigger than a few tips can fix. Counselling may help if:
Anxiety makes social situations feel overwhelming.
Low mood makes it hard to reach out at all.
Past hurt, such as being left out or betrayed, makes trust feel unsafe.
You often feel lonely, even when you are with people.
Social anxiety therapy and individual counselling can help you understand what holds you back, practise new ways of connecting and build confidence step by step. Counselling is not a replacement for friends, but it can make friendships feel more possible. Our post on counselling, therapy and friendship explains how the two are different and why we need both.
You can see a counsellor in person or online from anywhere in Ontario. When you book a free consultation, our admin team will help match you with a therapist who works with loneliness and social anxiety.
Cost, billing and your first step
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers. Coverage depends on your plan, so check with your insurer before you start.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. We can help you find a counsellor who works with loneliness and social anxiety, in person or online.
If you're in crisis: if you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Dunbar, R. I. M. "Why friendship and loneliness affect our health." Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences. 2025. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11918532/
Hall, J. A., Pennington, N., and Holmstrom, A. J. "Lonely and connected in emerging adulthood: The ambivalence of sociality in a time of transitions." PLOS ONE. 2025. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12611146/
Jacob, L., Haro, J. M., and Koyanagi, A. "Relationship between living alone and common mental disorders in the 1993, 2000 and 2007 National Psychiatric Morbidity Surveys." PLOS ONE. 2019. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6493731/