A friend gets the promotion you wanted, and you feel a sting. Your partner laughs a little too long with a coworker, and your stomach drops. Both feelings are uncomfortable, and people often call both of them jealousy. But psychologists see envy and jealousy as two different emotions. Knowing the difference between envy and jealousy can help you understand what you're feeling and what to do next.
This post is general information, not a diagnosis or medical advice. If strong feelings are hurting you or your relationships, a counsellor can help.
The short answer
Here is the simplest way to tell them apart.
Envy is about wanting something someone else has.
Jealousy is about fearing you'll lose someone or something you already have to another person.
Envy usually involves two people: you and the person who has what you want. Jealousy usually involves three: you, someone you care about, and a person you see as a threat.
Both are normal human feelings. Neither makes you a bad person. What matters most is what you do with them.
Envy vs jealousy in psychology
The American Psychological Association's dictionary describes envy as an unhappy, resentful feeling that comes from wanting another person's things, traits or successes. It notes that envy needs only two people.
The same dictionary describes jealousy as resenting a third person who seems to be taking, or might take, the love or attention of someone close to you. It says jealousy always involves a triangle. Romantic relationships are the classic example, but jealousy can show up with friends, siblings or parents too.
A 1993 study by Parrott and Smith asked people to recall times they felt envy or jealousy. The two feelings came out quite differently. Envy was linked with feeling inferior, longing, resentment and disliking yourself for feeling it. Jealousy was linked with fear of loss, distrust, anxiety and anger.
Jealousy vs envy examples
Here are some everyday examples to help you spot the difference.
Envy:
Your sister buys a house, and you wish you could too
A coworker gets praise for a project, and you feel resentful
You scroll past a friend's trip photos and feel left behind
Someone at the gym is fitter than you, and you feel small
Jealousy:
Your partner spends time with a new friend, and you worry you'll be replaced
Your best friend starts hanging out with someone else, and you feel pushed out
A new baby gets your parent's attention, and an older child feels left out
Sometimes both show up at once. You might envy a person's confidence and feel jealous of the time your partner spends with them.
Envy vs jealousy in relationships
In relationships, jealousy is often the bigger issue. A little jealousy can show that you care. But strong or frequent jealousy can lead to questioning, checking and arguments.
Envy can show up too. You might envy your partner's career, friends or easy confidence. If it stays unspoken, it can turn into resentment or quiet competition.
Some people feel jealous about a partner's past relationships. If that's you, our post on retroactive jealousy looks at that pattern in more detail.
It's important to be clear about one thing. Feeling jealous is human, but controlling behaviour is not okay. Checking a partner's phone, tracking where they go, cutting them off from friends or making threats can do real harm. If you ever feel unsafe, call 911.
Envy and jealousy with friends, family and coworkers
These feelings aren't only about romance. They show up in every kind of close bond.
With friends, envy might creep in when a friend seems to have an easier life. Jealousy might show up when a close friend starts spending time with a new group. You may feel left out, even if nobody meant to leave you out.
In families, siblings often compare themselves to each other. A parent's praise for one child can stir envy in another. Adult siblings can feel the same sting about jobs, homes or kids.
At work, envy is common when someone gets a raise, a title or the boss's attention. Jealousy can appear when a work friend gets close to a new coworker.
In each case, the same tools help. Name the feeling, look at what you need, and talk about it in a calm, fair way when it makes sense to.
What envy and jealousy can tell you
Hard feelings often carry useful information.
Envy can point to something you want. If a friend's new job stings, maybe you're ready for a change too. Instead of tearing yourself down, ask, "What is this feeling telling me I want?"
Jealousy can point to a need for safety or closeness. It may mean you need more reassurance, more time together or a clearer talk about trust. Sometimes it points to older hurts or low self-worth more than to anything your partner did.
Both feelings can also be tied to how you see yourself. When self-esteem is low, other people's wins and attention can feel like proof that you're not enough.
How to deal with envy
Here are some steps to try when envy shows up.
Name it. Say to yourself, "This is envy." Naming a feeling can make it easier to handle.
Get curious. Ask what you want, not just what they have.
Turn it into a goal. Pick one small step toward that thing.
Limit triggers. If social media fuels envy, take a short break or mute some accounts.
Practise gratitude. Notice what's going well in your own life.
Celebrate others when you can. It can soften resentment over time.
Be patient. Envy doesn't vanish overnight.
How to deal with jealousy
Jealousy calls for a slightly different approach.
Pause before you act. Wait before you text, check or accuse.
Look at the facts. Ask, "What do I actually know, and what am I guessing?"
Share your feeling, not blame. Try, "I felt left out tonight," rather than, "You ignored me."
Ask for what you need. Reassurance or time together are fair requests.
Respect your partner's freedom. Trust grows when both people feel free.
Look at older wounds. Past betrayals can make new fears feel bigger.
If you are thinking about suicide or hurting yourself, call or text 9-8-8 now. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911.
How counselling can help with envy and jealousy
When envy or jealousy feels strong, constant or hard to control, counselling can help. A therapist offers a calm space to explore where these feelings come from and how to respond to them in healthier ways.
In individual counselling, your therapist can help you:
Understand what triggers your envy or jealousy
Work through old hurts that make the feelings bigger
Build skills to calm down before you react
Talk about needs with a partner in a clear, kind way
If low self-worth is part of the picture, self-esteem counselling can help you build a steadier view of yourself. Couples can also come together to work on trust.
You can see us in Kitchener, Waterloo, Cambridge or Ottawa, or by secure video from anywhere in Ontario.
Cost, billing and your first step
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers. Coverage depends on your plan, so check with your insurer before you start.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. Let them know envy or jealousy is what's bringing you in, and they'll help you find a good fit.
If you're in crisis: if you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Envy, APA Dictionary of Psychology, American Psychological Association
Jealousy, APA Dictionary of Psychology, American Psychological Association
Distinguishing the experiences of envy and jealousy, Parrott and Smith, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1993