The discovery of an affair can turn life upside down in a single moment. You may feel shock, rage, numbness or deep sadness, sometimes all in one hour. If you're the partner who had the affair, you may feel shame, fear or confusion. Many couples don't know whether they want to stay together or separate, and that's okay. Affair recovery counselling in Kitchener-Waterloo gives you room to slow down and work out what comes next. This post explains what that work can look like and how to start, in person or online.
This post is general information, not relationship or legal advice. Every couple's situation is different.
Not sure yet whether to stay? Affair recovery counselling in Kitchener-Waterloo
You don't have to decide on day one. Many people feel pressure, from themselves or others, to know right away whether the relationship is over. But big decisions made in the first shock are often hard to live with.
An affair can deeply hurt the betrayed partner. A 2023 research review describes infidelity as something that can seriously damage a relationship, and notes that for some people it can feel traumatic. Strong reactions like trouble sleeping, racing thoughts, anger and constant questions are common.
Counselling can help both of you steady yourselves first. You can come as a couple, or one of you can start with individual sessions. We offer sessions in downtown Kitchener, Uptown Waterloo or online.
The decide-later period
Many therapists suggest a "decide-later" period. This is where infidelity counselling in Kitchener often starts. Instead of making final choices right away, you focus on getting through the next few weeks with as little extra harm as possible.
During this time, it can help to talk about:
Living arrangements for now. Whether you'll stay under one roof, or take some space for a while.
What to tell children. Children need to feel safe. They don't need adult details.
What to tell family and friends. Who you'll confide in, and what stays private for now.
Contact with the affair partner. What ending contact will look like.
Basic care. Sleep, food and daily routines, so you can think more clearly.
These are temporary plans, not permanent decisions.
How much detail do you need to know?
After an affair, many betrayed partners have lots of questions. Some answers help healing. They give a clearer picture of what happened and why, and they let you stop guessing. Other questions, like detailed physical descriptions, can create painful images that are hard to shake.
There's no single rule for every couple. Your therapist can help you sort which questions matter to you, when to ask them and how to talk about them without making the hurt more raw. The partner who had the affair can learn to answer honestly and patiently, even when it's hard.
Trust after infidelity is shown, not promised
Trust after infidelity isn't rebuilt with one big apology. It's shown over time, through many small actions.
Rebuilding trust often includes:
Openness you both agree on. This might include sharing schedules or being open about phone use for a time. These steps work best when both partners agree to them.
Keeping commitments. Showing up when you say you will, and following through on small things.
Real accountability. Taking responsibility without blaming the betrayed partner.
Time. Trust grows slowly. Setbacks don't mean failure.
Our post on whether a relationship can survive infidelity looks at this in more depth.
Research gives a balanced picture. A 2017 review found that couples dealing with infidelity improved in therapy over the short term. They were at greater risk of separating later, but couples who stayed together improved about as much as other couples. In other words, it can be hard, and many couples do find their way.
For the partner who had the affair
If you had the affair, you may feel guilt, shame or fear of losing everything. You may also feel confused about why it happened. It's common to want to rush your partner through their pain so that you can both move on.
What usually helps more is patience. Your partner may ask the same question many times. They may feel fine one day and furious the next. Listening without getting defensive, and staying steady through those waves, shows that you're taking it seriously.
You may also need your own space to understand what led to the affair. That's not about excuses. It's about making real change possible.
Looking after yourself while you decide
The weeks after an affair can be exhausting. Try to protect the basics: sleep, meals, movement and time with people who support you. Be careful about sharing every detail with friends or family, since that can make repair harder later if you stay. Write down your thoughts if they keep you up at night. And go easy on yourself. There's no right way to feel.
If one of you wants to leave
Sometimes one partner decides they want to end the relationship. That's painful, but counselling can still help. A therapist can support you both to separate with less damage, communicate respectfully and plan how to support any children through the change.
Some people also use individual sessions to grieve, rebuild confidence or understand what happened, whether they stay or go.
A note on safety: if anyone is being threatened or is in danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8.
Working with an affair recovery therapist in Kitchener-Waterloo
An affair recovery therapist in Kitchener-Waterloo can help you:
Talk about the affair without it turning into the same fight every night
Understand what was happening in the relationship before the affair, without excusing it
Handle triggers, like dates, places or songs, that bring the pain back
Decide, with care, what you each want next
To learn what a typical course of sessions looks like, read our post on what happens in affair recovery counselling. Our admin team can match you with a therapist who works with infidelity and trust during the free consultation.
Couples therapy after an affair in Waterloo, Kitchener or online
You have three ways to meet:
Uptown Waterloo, 22 King St S. Our office near King and Erb has free municipal parking behind the building off Regina St, and across King behind the TD. See our Waterloo location page for details, or call (519) 954-4900.
Downtown Kitchener, 72 Victoria St S, 3rd Floor. You'll find us inside CollabHive, with free parking behind the building. The office is a short walk from the ION Central Station stop at King and Victoria, and local buses also stop nearby. Call (519) 340-1756.
Online. Couples therapy after an affair works online too. You can join together from one place, or each partner can join the same session from their own location if you're living apart for now. Both partners need to be in Ontario during the session. The secure video link is emailed to you, with nothing to download.
Video couples therapy has been studied. A small 2022 trial found that couples who met by video improved about as much as couples who met in person.
Cost, billing and your first step
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers. Coverage depends on your plan, so check with your insurer before you start.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. Let them know whether you'd like couples or individual sessions after an affair, and they'll help you find a good fit.
If you're in crisis: if you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Love and infidelity: causes and consequences, Rokach and Chan, International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 2023
Integrative behavioral couple therapy, Christensen and colleagues, Current Opinion in Psychology, 2017
Couples therapy delivered through videoconferencing: effects on relationship outcomes, mental health and the therapeutic alliance, Kysely and colleagues, Frontiers in Psychology, 2022