If you live with borderline personality disorder (BPD), or love someone who does, you may know the hollow feeling that's hard to explain and even harder to fill. People often ask why do people with BPD feel empty, and whether anything can help. This post focuses on those two questions: the possible reasons behind chronic emptiness, and what can make a difference over time.
This post is general information, not a diagnosis. Only a qualified professional can assess for BPD.
Chronic emptiness is a recognized part of BPD
Chronic feelings of emptiness are one of the signs of BPD listed by the U.S. National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). That means the feeling isn't imagined, and it isn't a personal failing. It's a recognized part of the condition.
A systematic review of 99 studies, published in PLoS ONE in 2020, called chronic emptiness an under-researched symptom that may be central to the experience of BPD. The researchers concluded that, based on the studies they reviewed, emptiness is best understood as a sense of disconnection from both yourself and others.
Do people with BPD feel empty all the time? Not always. For some, it comes and goes. For others, it's more constant. Everyone's experience is different.
Why do people with BPD feel empty, some possible reasons
There's no single answer, and researchers are still learning. The same review describes several ideas about why do people with borderline feel empty. These are possibilities, not certainties.
An unstable sense of self. Many theories link emptiness to difficulty knowing who you are, what you want or what you value. When your sense of self shifts often, it can feel as though there's nothing solid at the centre.
Intense emotions, then shutting down. Some models suggest emptiness may be the mind's attempt, conscious or not, to turn down emotions that feel overwhelming. After a storm of feeling, numbness can follow.
Not feeling understood growing up. Some theories suggest that when a child's feelings are often dismissed or responded to inconsistently, it can become harder to know and trust your own inner experience later in life.
Disconnection from others. Feeling unseen, or afraid of being left, can add to a sense that something is missing. Relationships may feel like the only thing that fills the space, which can make them feel very high stakes.
Why does BPD feel empty for one person and not another? Often, it's a mix of these factors, shaped by each person's history.
Emptiness, depression or boredom?
Emptiness can overlap with depression, loneliness and boredom, and the words are sometimes used interchangeably. The PLoS ONE review found that emptiness could be separated from hopelessness and loneliness, though more research is needed, and that it may be related to experiences of depression that are unique to people with BPD.
In everyday terms, boredom usually lifts when something interesting happens. Depression often brings lasting low mood, low energy and loss of interest. Chronic emptiness in BPD may be more about feeling disconnected from yourself and others, even when life is busy. A counsellor can help you untangle what you're experiencing.
How emptiness can drive urges
When emptiness feels unbearable, it's natural to want to fill it, fast. That can lead to impulsive choices, such as spending, drinking, risky behaviour, binge eating or seeking intense connection. These may bring relief in the moment and regret afterward.
The review also found that chronic emptiness was associated with self-harm and suicidal thoughts. If you notice urges to hurt yourself, you deserve care, not judgment. Our page on therapy for self-harm explains how counselling can help.
If you're struggling right now: if you're thinking about suicide or self-harm, call or text 9-8-8 any time. If you or anyone else is in immediate danger, call 911.
Emptiness in relationships
Emptiness can shape relationships in confusing ways. You might feel full and alive when you're close to someone, then hollow when they're not around. Or you may pull away just when things feel good.
Thinking in all or nothing terms can play a part too. Our post on why people with BPD split explains how seeing people as all good or all bad can affect closeness.
How to deal with BPD emptiness
Wondering how to deal with BPD emptiness? There's no quick fix, but many people find that small, steady steps help over time.
Notice it without judgment. Naming it, "I'm feeling empty right now," can make it feel a little less overwhelming.
Explore your values. Asking what matters to you, even in small ways, can help build a steadier sense of self.
Do one small, meaningful thing. A walk, a call, a creative project or helping someone can create a moment of connection.
Stay connected. Reaching out to people you trust, even briefly, can ease disconnection.
Pause before acting on urges. Giving yourself a little time can help you choose a response you won't regret.
The PLoS ONE review suggested that treatment focusing on connecting with yourself and others may help ease a sense of emptiness.
Why do people with BPD always feel empty, even when life is good?
This can be one of the most confusing parts. You may have friends, work and things that should feel meaningful, and still feel hollow. That doesn't mean you're ungrateful, or that your life isn't good. It may mean the disconnection is coming from inside, not from what's around you. That's exactly the kind of thing therapy can help with.
Building a steadier sense of self
Because emptiness is so often linked with not knowing who you are, building a clearer sense of self can be a big part of healing. This doesn't happen overnight. It can start with noticing what you enjoy, what you don't, and what you care about, then making small choices that reflect those things.
Some people find it helps to notice when they're shaping themselves around someone else's preferences, and gently ask, "What do I want here?" Over time, these small moments can add up to a stronger feeling of being someone, not just reacting to everyone else. A therapist can support this process and help you be patient with yourself along the way.
For partners and family
If someone you love talks about feeling empty, you don't need to fill the space for them, and you can't. What helps is listening without trying to fix, staying steady, and encouraging professional support. Look after yourself too. Supporting someone with BPD can be demanding, and your needs matter.
How DBT and counselling can help
NIMH describes dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) as a therapy developed specifically for people with BPD. DBT helps people manage intense emotions, tolerate distress, improve relationships and build a life that feels worth living. Over time, these skills may also ease chronic emptiness. BPD treatment that strengthens your connection to yourself and others can make the hollow feeling less frequent or less intense.
We offer dialectical behaviour therapy in individual sessions at our Kitchener-Waterloo, Cambridge and Ottawa offices, and online anywhere in Ontario. We don't offer group programs. Your therapist works with you one on one, at your pace.
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
Depending on your plan, insurance may cover some or all of the cost. Coverage varies, so check your plan.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers, including for sessions with a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying). Desjardins is the exception: through TELUS eClaims, we can direct bill Desjardins for sessions with an RSW, RP or psychologist, but not for an RP (Qualifying).
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. You don't need to explain everything. "I feel empty a lot" is a perfectly good place to start.
Feeling empty doesn't mean you are empty. With understanding and the right support, many people find more connection, meaning and steadiness over time.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Measuring the shadows: A systematic review of chronic emptiness in borderline personality disorder (PLOS ONE, 2020), peer-reviewed, PLOS ONE
Borderline Personality Disorder, National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)