Maybe a friend mentioned IFS, or you saw people online talking about "parts" and "Self" and wondered what it all means. Maybe you're about to start and feel a little nervous. If you're asking what happens in IFS therapy, you're not alone. This guide walks you through what to expect, what parts work feels like and how to know if it might be a good fit for you.
This post is general information, not a diagnosis or a treatment plan.
What IFS therapy is
IFS stands for internal family systems. It's a type of talk therapy built on a simple idea: your mind is made up of different parts, each with its own feelings, beliefs and goals. You already know this from daily life. Part of you wants to go to the party, and part of you wants to stay home. Part of you is angry, and part of you feels guilty for being angry.
In IFS therapy, those parts aren't seen as problems to get rid of. They're seen as trying to help, even when their methods cause pain. The goal is to understand them, ease their burdens and build a calmer relationship with them.
IFS was created by therapist Richard Schwartz. The name reflects the idea that your inner world works a bit like a family, with different members, different roles and old conflicts that can keep replaying. Like a family, it can also find a calmer way of getting along.
Parts and Self, in plain language
Our page on internal family systems therapy explains the model in more depth. Here's a simple version:
Managers try to keep you safe by staying in control. They might show up as planning, perfectionism, people pleasing or a harsh inner critic.
Firefighters jump in when painful feelings break through. They might show up as numbing out, bingeing, scrolling for hours or sudden anger.
Exiles are younger parts that carry hurt, shame or fear from the past. Other parts often work hard to keep them out of sight.
Self is the calm, curious, compassionate core of who you are. IFS holds that everyone has a Self, even if it's been hard to reach.
Parts work therapy helps you get to know these parts from a place of Self, rather than being taken over by them.
Internal family systems therapy, what to expect at the start
Your first IFS therapy session usually looks a lot like any first counselling session. Your therapist will ask what brings you in, what you'd like to change and a little about your history. You decide how much to share.
They may also explain the parts idea and invite you to notice it in your own life. For example, if you say "I want to rest, but I can't stop working," they might gently point out that two parts seem to want different things.
You won't be rushed into deep or painful memories. Early sessions often focus on building trust and getting familiar with the approach.
What a typical IFS therapy session feels like
Once you're settled in, a session might go something like this:
Noticing a part. You focus on a feeling, thought or body sensation, like tight shoulders or a familiar wave of shame.
Getting curious. Your therapist might ask, "How do you feel toward that part?" If you feel annoyed or afraid of it, that's another part, and you can get to know it too.
Listening. You might ask the part what it's worried about or what it's trying to do for you. Answers can come as words, images, memories or feelings.
Building trust. Over time, protective parts often relax when they feel understood.
Healing. When it feels safe, you may get to know a more vulnerable part and help it let go of old pain.
Some people close their eyes to focus inward. Others keep their eyes open and talk more naturally. Both are fine. You're awake, aware and in control the whole time.
Questions you can ask before you start
It's okay to ask a therapist about how they work. Some helpful questions:
How do you use IFS in your sessions? Do you combine it with other approaches?
What might the first few sessions focus on?
How do you pace things if painful memories come up?
What should I do if a session leaves me feeling stirred up?
How will we know if this approach is helping?
A good therapist will welcome these questions. Their answers can help you decide whether the fit feels right.
How you might feel after a session
Some people leave an IFS session feeling lighter or calmer. Others feel tired or tender, especially after meeting a younger, hurt part. Both reactions are normal. It can help to plan something gentle afterward, like a walk or a quiet evening, and to share how you felt at your next session.
What IFS is not
Because the language can sound unusual, a few myths come up often:
It's not hypnosis. You stay fully present and choose what to explore.
It's not about multiple personalities. Having parts is a normal part of being human. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you.
It's not about blaming parts. Even parts that cause problems are seen as trying to help.
It's not all or nothing. Many therapists blend IFS with other approaches.
What IFS can help with
People come to IFS therapy for many reasons, including:
anxiety and constant worry
low mood
harsh self-criticism or perfectionism
trauma, including complex trauma
relationship patterns that keep repeating
habits like overeating, overworking or numbing out
feeling torn between different choices
For people with trauma, IFS can offer a gentle way to approach painful memories without being flooded. Our post on complex PTSD treatment looks at how this kind of work fits with other trauma-focused approaches.
What the research says
Research on IFS is still growing. One pilot study by Hodgdon and colleagues looked at 17 adults with PTSD after multiple childhood traumas. The results were promising, but the study was small and had no comparison group, so larger, controlled studies are still needed.
What matters most is whether the approach makes sense to you and whether you feel safe with your therapist.
Is IFS a good fit for you?
IFS might suit you if:
you often feel pulled in different directions
you have a strong inner critic
you're curious about your inner world
other approaches felt too focused on "fixing" you
you want a gentle, paced way to work with old pain
If it doesn't feel right, that's okay. Your therapist can adapt, or you can explore a different approach.
Finding an IFS therapist near you
If you've been typing "IFS therapist near me," you have options. We offer sessions in person in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge and Ottawa, and online anywhere in Ontario. Online sessions use a secure, encrypted video platform and work well for inner-focused work like this.
Let our admin team know you're interested in IFS therapy when you book. They'll help match you with a therapist who uses this approach.
Cost and billing
Here's what to know about cost:
Individual sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
Depending on your plan, insurance may cover some or all of the cost. Coverage varies, so it's worth checking your plan.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers, including for sessions with a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying). Desjardins is the exception: through TELUS eClaims, we can direct bill Desjardins for sessions with an RSW, RP or psychologist, but not for an RP (Qualifying).
Your first step
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. Tell them you'd like to try IFS, and whether you'd prefer in person or online.
If you're in crisis: call 911 if you're in immediate danger. If you're having thoughts of suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night. You can find more options on our crisis lines page.
Every part of you is welcome. That's where the healing starts.