People often joke that perfectionism is a "good problem to have." But if you live with it, you know it rarely feels good. It can mean hours spent redoing work no one else would notice, dreading feedback, or feeling like nothing you do is ever quite enough. Not all perfectionism looks the same, though. Researchers describe different types of perfectionism, and knowing which ones fit you can help you understand where the pressure comes from and what might help. This article explains the main types, how perfectionism differs from healthy high standards, where it comes from and when therapy can make a difference.
This isn't about lowering your standards. It's about understanding the pressure behind them.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is more than liking things done well. It's a pattern of setting extremely high standards and judging your worth by whether you meet them. When you fall short, and everyone does sometimes, perfectionism responds with harsh self-criticism, shame or fear.
Two Canadian psychologists, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett, have studied perfectionism for decades. Their work helped show that perfectionism has several dimensions, not just one.
The three main types of perfectionism
1. Self-oriented perfectionism
This is the type most people picture. You hold yourself to very high standards and push hard to meet them. The pressure comes from inside.
You might:
set goals that leave no room for error
feel like a failure after small mistakes
struggle to hand work in until it's "just right"
find it hard to celebrate success because you're already focused on the next thing
Self-oriented perfectionism can drive achievement, but when it's rigid, it's linked with anxiety, depression, burnout and eating concerns.
2. Socially prescribed perfectionism
With this type, the pressure feels like it comes from others. You believe that parents, a partner, a boss, teachers or society expect perfection from you, and that you'll be rejected or judged harshly if you fall short.
You might:
feel like you're always being evaluated
worry that people will think less of you if you make a mistake
feel you can never relax or let your guard down
feel hopeless, because the standards seem to keep rising
Research has consistently linked socially prescribed perfectionism with the most distress, including depression, anxiety and loneliness. Some studies also suggest it has been rising among young people over recent decades.
3. Other-oriented perfectionism
Here, the high standards are directed at other people. You expect partners, co-workers, children or friends to meet very high bars, and you may feel frustrated or let down when they don't.
You might:
find it hard to delegate
redo other people's work
feel critical of those around you, even when you don't say it
notice tension in relationships because others feel they can't please you
This type can quietly strain relationships at home and at work.
Most people with perfectionism have a mix of these types, and the mix can change depending on the setting.
Healthy striving vs perfectionism
Researchers also make a helpful distinction between two sides of perfectionism:
Perfectionistic strivings: setting high standards and working hard toward them.
Perfectionistic concerns: fear of mistakes, harsh self-criticism, worry about others' judgment and doubt about your own efforts.
The strivings side on its own isn't necessarily a problem. It's the concerns side that tends to cause distress. Here's a simple comparison.
Healthy striving sounds like:
"I want to do this well."
"That mistake was frustrating. What can I learn?"
"I did my best with the time I had."
"I'm proud of how far I've come."
Harmful perfectionism sounds like:
"If it's not perfect, it's worthless."
"That mistake proves I'm not good enough."
"Everyone will see I'm a fraud."
"It doesn't count unless it's flawless."
A useful question to ask yourself is: when I fall short, do I feel disappointed and move on, or do I feel ashamed and afraid?
Where perfectionism comes from
There's rarely one cause. Common contributors include:
Temperament. Some people are naturally more sensitive, conscientious or prone to worry.
Early experiences. Growing up with love that felt conditional on performance, harsh criticism, or high-pressure environments can teach a child that mistakes aren't safe.
Chaos or unpredictability. For some, being perfect was a way to feel in control, stay out of trouble or keep the peace at home.
Culture and comparison. Social media, competitive schools and workplaces, and cultural or family expectations can all add pressure.
Past experiences of rejection or bullying. Trying to be flawless can feel like protection from being hurt again.
Understanding the roots of your perfectionism can bring self-compassion. It often began as a way to cope.
When perfectionism becomes a bigger problem
Perfectionism isn't a diagnosis on its own, but it often shows up alongside, or feeds into, other struggles, including:
Anxiety, especially worry about performance and social judgment. See our anxiety counselling page.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), when the need for things to feel "just right" drives repeated checking, redoing or ordering. Our OCD therapy page explains more.
Depression, when constant falling short leads to hopelessness.
Burnout, when you keep pushing past your limits. Learn more on our stress and burnout page.
Eating disorders and body image concerns, when perfectionism focuses on food, weight or appearance.
Procrastination, when fear of doing something imperfectly makes it hard to start at all.
If perfectionism is affecting your health, relationships, sleep or ability to finish things, it's worth getting support.
How therapy helps
Therapy for perfectionism doesn't aim to make you stop caring. It helps you keep what's useful about high standards while loosening the fear and self-criticism.
Depending on your needs, a therapist may help you:
identify which types of perfectionism drive you, and in which areas of life
notice and challenge all-or-nothing thinking
test beliefs like "If I make a mistake, people will reject me" through small, planned experiments
build self-compassion as a replacement for harsh self-talk
explore the early experiences that shaped your standards
reconnect with what you truly value, not just what you think you should achieve
Approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and compassion-focused work are often used. Research on CBT for perfectionism has found that it can reduce perfectionism along with related anxiety and depression.
Getting started at Transformation Counselling
Our therapists work with perfectionism, anxiety, OCD, burnout and self-esteem. We offer sessions in person in Waterloo, Kitchener, Cambridge and Ottawa, and online across Ontario. You don't need a referral, and evening and weekend appointments are available.
Sessions with our therapists are $130 to $200, and there is a one-time $50 setup fee. Students may be eligible for lower-cost sessions from $0 to $80. Many workplace and student benefit plans cover therapy.
If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 at any time. In Waterloo Region you can also call Here 24/7 at 1-844-437-3247. In an emergency, call 911.
Frequently asked questions
Is perfectionism a mental illness?
No. Perfectionism is a personality trait and a pattern of thinking, not a diagnosis. But it can contribute to anxiety, depression, OCD, eating disorders and burnout.
Can perfectionism be a good thing?
Striving for excellence can be healthy. Problems arise when your self-worth depends on being flawless and mistakes bring shame or fear.
Which type of perfectionism is most harmful?
Research most strongly links socially prescribed perfectionism, the sense that others demand perfection from you, with distress. But any type can cause problems when it becomes rigid.
How do I know which type of perfectionism I have?
Notice where the pressure seems to come from. Is it your own voice, what you think others expect, or what you expect of others? A therapist can help you sort it out, and many people find they have more than one type.
Will therapy make me less successful?
Most people find the opposite. With less fear of mistakes, it's often easier to start tasks, take on challenges and recover from setbacks.
Take the first step
You don't have to be perfect to deserve support. Book a free 15-minute consultation and we'll help you find a therapist who understands perfectionism. Or you can book an appointment directly.