You weren't there when it happened. But since hearing about it, you can't stop thinking about it. Maybe you support a partner who works as a paramedic, care for a family member after a frightening event, or listen to hard stories as part of your job. Lately you feel on edge, you sleep badly and the details keep coming back. This may be secondary trauma. This post explains what secondary trauma is, how it compares with vicarious trauma, the signs to notice and what helps you recover.
This post is general information, not a diagnosis.
Secondary trauma meaning
Secondary trauma, often called secondary traumatic stress, describes the stress reactions some people develop from being close to someone else's trauma. Instead of experiencing the event directly, you're exposed to it through another person: hearing their story, seeing its effects or helping them through it.
The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health notes that trauma reactions can follow not only something that happens to you, but also seeing a family member, friend or other person harmed. Secondary traumatic stress sits on that wider spectrum of how trauma can reach people indirectly.
Who can be affected
Anyone who cares about or works closely with someone who has been through trauma can be affected. That includes:
Partners and family members of people in high-risk jobs
Parents and caregivers supporting a loved one after a frightening event
Friends who become someone's main source of support
People in helping roles, such as health care, social services, emergency services or education
A 2024 review of research on the partners of paramedics found that partners can experience secondary traumatic stress, and that it can affect how couples function together. The authors noted that research in this area is still limited and that partners often feel they receive little support.
Secondary trauma vs vicarious trauma
People often use the two terms almost interchangeably, and their meanings overlap. Secondary trauma vs vicarious trauma is usually explained like this:
Secondary trauma tends to describe stress reactions that look a lot like trauma symptoms, such as intrusive thoughts or feeling on edge, after hearing about or seeing someone else's trauma.
Vicarious trauma is a term you'll often hear in helping professions. It's usually used for effects that build up over time through repeated contact with other people's trauma, and definitions vary from source to source.
You don't need the right label to deserve support. What matters is how it's affecting you.
Secondary traumatic stress symptoms
Secondary traumatic stress symptoms can look a lot like common reactions to direct trauma. The National Institute of Mental Health lists anxiety, sadness, anger, trouble concentrating and trouble sleeping among common reactions after experiencing or witnessing trauma. Signs you might notice include:
Thoughts or images about the other person's experience that pop up when you don't want them
Feeling jumpy, tense or on high alert
Avoiding reminders, conversations or places linked to what happened
Trouble sleeping, or unsettling dreams
Getting angry or irritable more easily
Losing interest in things you used to enjoy
Feeling numb, cut off or hopeless
Vicarious trauma symptoms
There isn't one agreed list of vicarious trauma symptoms, and they overlap a lot with the signs above. Because the term usually describes something that builds over time, people often notice changes gradually. You might notice that you feel more cynical or less safe in the world, that you trust people less, or that you've lost some of your sense of meaning or hope. Some people find it harder to feel close to loved ones, or notice their own needs getting pushed further down the list.
These signs are worth paying attention to, not as proof that something is wrong with you, but as information that you've been carrying a lot.
Why it happens
Caring deeply is part of what makes people vulnerable to secondary trauma. A 2024 review of research on secondary traumatic stress describes emotional contagion, the way we can pick up the feelings of people around us, as part of the picture. The same review found that secondary traumatic stress can exist alongside compassion satisfaction, the sense of meaning that comes from helping. In other words, it's possible to find your role rewarding and still be affected by it.
Other things can add to the load: repeated exposure, little time to recover, your own past experiences and not having anyone to talk to about what you're carrying.
What helps you recover
The National Institute of Mental Health notes that most people recover from trauma reactions over time. For secondary trauma, some things that can help include:
Name it. Recognizing what's happening can ease self-blame.
Talk to someone. Sharing with a trusted friend, partner or peer can lighten the load.
Set gentle limits. It's okay to step back from hearing every detail.
Protect recovery time. Sleep, movement and time outdoors help your body settle.
Make room for things that refill you. Hobbies, connection and rest are not optional extras.
If you're in a helping role and feel worn out more generally, our page on stress and burnout may also be useful.
Supporting someone without losing yourself
If you're the partner or family member of someone who has been through trauma, it can feel selfish to admit that you're struggling too. It isn't. You can't pour from an empty cup, and your own steadiness is part of what helps the person you love.
A few ideas that can help at home:
Let them share at their own pace. You don't need every detail to be supportive.
Tell them when you need a pause. "I want to hear this, and I need a few minutes first" is a caring thing to say.
Keep some ordinary life going. Meals, walks and small routines give both of you something steady to hold onto.
Find your own support. Having someone outside the situation to talk to helps you keep showing up.
If the person you're supporting is in danger, or you're worried about their safety or your own, call 911.
How counselling can help
Counselling gives you a place to put down what you've been carrying. A therapist can help you understand your reactions, build ways to cope and reconnect with the parts of life that matter to you. You won't be asked to go over details you're not ready to share. Many people come in for support after months of quietly coping, and it's okay to start before things feel unmanageable. You can meet a therapist at our Cambridge or Ottawa office, at our Kitchener-Waterloo office, or online.
Learn more on our trauma and PTSD counselling page, or about individual counselling in general.
Getting started
We offer sessions in person at our Kitchener-Waterloo, Cambridge and Ottawa offices, and online anywhere in Ontario. Every service is offered at every location.
Insurance may cover some or all of your sessions, depending on your plan, so check your plan.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers, including for sessions with an RP (Qualifying). Desjardins is the exception: through TELUS eClaims, we can direct bill Desjardins for sessions with an RSW, RP or psychologist, but not for an RP (Qualifying).
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team to find a therapist who fits you.
If you're in crisis: if you or anyone else is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're having thoughts of suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time.
Caring about someone else's pain is a strength. You deserve care too.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
National Institute of Mental Health, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder
Hill MA, et al. Secondary traumatic stress in partners of paramedics: a scoping review, Australasian Emergency Care, 2024 (PubMed ID 37451885)
Sprang G, et al. The relationship between secondary traumatic stress and compassion satisfaction: a systematic literature review, Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 2024 (PubMed ID 37981840)