The date is circled on the calendar, and every time you look at it, your stomach drops. You're wondering how you'll manage mornings, whether your child will be okay without you, and if you even remember how to do your job. Maybe you feel guilty for dreading it, or guilty for being a little excited. If you're anxious about going back to work after maternity or parental leave, you're far from alone. This guide looks at why this transition feels so big, offers a gentle plan for the weeks ahead, and explains when it might help to talk to someone.
This post is for every parent heading back to work, whether you gave birth, adopted, became a parent through surrogacy or are a partner who took leave. Your feelings count, too.
Why going back feels so hard
Returning to work after a leave isn't just a change in schedule. It's a change in identity, routine and how you spend almost every hour of the day. The HSE, Ireland's public health service, describes returning to work after maternity or paternity leave as a big change, and says it's normal to feel a little overwhelmed.
Several things can stack up at once:
Separation. After months of being close to your child, handing them over to someone else can feel huge.
Logistics. Childcare, drop-offs, pick-ups, sick days and packed lunches all need a plan.
Identity. You've changed. You may not feel like the same person who left, and you might wonder how you'll fit back in.
Confidence. Many parents worry that they've fallen behind or lost their edge.
Exhaustion. You may still be waking at night, which makes everything feel harder.
That last one matters more than people think. The U.S. National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute explains that not getting enough sleep can make it harder to make decisions, remember things, manage your emotions and cope with change. No wonder this transition can feel overwhelming.
Mixed feelings are normal
Many parents expect to feel one clear emotion about going back. Instead, they feel a jumble. The HSE notes that you might have mixed feelings of relief, guilt, sadness or even excitement, and that there's no right way to feel.
You can miss your baby and enjoy adult conversation. You can love being a parent and also love your work. You can feel sad at drop-off and relieved to drink a hot coffee in peace. None of these feelings makes you a bad parent. They make you a person going through a major life change.
These feelings aren't limited to birthing parents. Partners, adoptive parents and anyone who took leave to care for a new child can feel the same pull between home and work. Sometimes their feelings get less attention, which can make them harder to talk about. If that's you, your worries are just as real and just as worth sharing.
Guilt can be especially loud. It may help to remember why you're going back. The HSE suggests reminding yourself of your reasons, such as your career, your family's security or your own identity, which can help ease guilt about time apart.
What return to work anxiety can look like
Anxiety before a big change is common. For some parents, though, it becomes more intense. It might show up as:
Constant worry about your child's safety while you're apart.
Trouble sleeping, even when your child is asleep.
A racing heart, tight chest or upset stomach as the date gets closer.
Replaying worst-case scenarios about work or childcare.
Feeling on edge, irritable or tearful much of the time.
Cleveland Clinic notes that it's normal to feel worried in the months and years after having a baby, but that worry that feels constant or overwhelming, or that comes with physical symptoms like a racing heart or insomnia, may be postpartum anxiety. Cleveland Clinic also notes that postpartum anxiety can occur after childbirth or adoption.
This isn't a diagnosis. But if anxiety is getting in the way of daily life, it's worth paying attention to.
A gentle plan for the transition
You can't control everything about going back, but a little planning can make the first weeks feel less overwhelming.
Two to four weeks before:
Do a few practice runs of your morning routine, including getting everyone out the door.
Practise drop-offs and pick-ups with your childcare provider. The HSE suggests this as a way to help everyone settle in.
Write down your questions and worries so they're out of your head and on paper.
The week before:
Prepare easy meals or snacks you can grab on busy mornings.
Lay out clothes, bags and anything else you'll need the night before.
Plan something small and kind for yourself on your first day, like a favourite lunch.
The first few weeks:
Expect a bumpy start. The HSE encourages parents to give themselves permission to have a bumpy few weeks.
Lower the bar at home. A tidy house and fancy dinners can wait.
Take small breaks during the day, even a short walk or a few slow breaths.
Sharing the load at home
If you're parenting with a partner, going back to work is a good time to talk about who does what. Mornings, evenings, night wakings, sick days and household tasks all add up, and it's easy for one person to carry more without anyone noticing.
Try sitting down together before your first day and making a simple plan. Revisit it after a couple of weeks, because what looks good on paper doesn't always work in real life. If you're a single parent, think about who in your circle can help, even in small ways, like a regular school pickup or a meal once a week.
Connecting with other parents
You don't have to go through this alone. The HSE notes that connecting with other parents of young children can be a great support as you ease back into work.
Other working parents can share what helped them, laugh with you about the chaos and remind you that the hard early weeks do pass. A friend who's a few months ahead of you can be a huge comfort.
When it might be more than adjustment
For most parents, return to work anxiety eases as new routines settle in. For some, it doesn't. It may be time to reach out for support if:
Your anxiety isn't easing after the first several weeks back.
You're having a hard time sleeping, eating or concentrating.
You feel hopeless, numb or deeply sad most days.
Worry about your child is taking over your day.
The National Institute of Mental Health explains that perinatal depression can involve extreme sadness, anxiety and fatigue that make it hard to carry out daily tasks. The Canadian Mental Health Association adds that postpartum depression can affect any new parent, including dads and parents who adopt.
If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 9-8-8, or call 911 in an emergency.
How counselling can help
Therapy offers a calm space to sort through the big feelings that come with this transition, including anxiety, guilt, identity changes and stress. A therapist can help you build coping skills, set realistic expectations and plan for the challenges ahead.
Our clinic offers prenatal and postpartum therapy that supports parents through the transitions of pregnancy, birth, postpartum and parenting. If work stress is taking a toll, we also offer support for stress and burnout. Online counselling can fit around a busy schedule, whether that's a lunch break or after bedtime.
Sessions with our therapists are $130 to $200, and student therapist sessions range from $0 to $80. Depending on your plan, insurance may cover part of the cost. There's no waitlist.
Your next step
If the return date is making you anxious, you don't have to wait until you're back to get support. Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team to ask questions and find a therapist who fits.
This chapter may feel uncertain right now. With a little planning and the right support, you can find a rhythm that works for you and your family.