Wondering how to get someone to go to therapy is a hard place to be. Maybe a partner, friend, sibling or adult child is struggling, and you can see that talking to someone could help. But every time you bring it up, they brush it off or get upset. You cannot make another adult go to therapy. You can, though, make it easier for them to say yes. This post covers why people resist help, how to start the conversation, what to say and what to avoid, and how to look after yourself along the way.
This post is general information, not medical advice or a diagnosis.
Why people often say no to therapy
It helps to understand why someone might resist. Their reasons often make sense from where they stand.
A large study of first-year college students in several countries asked what would stop them from getting help for an emotional problem. The most common reasons were wanting to handle it on their own and wanting to talk to friends or family instead. Attitudes and feelings, like embarrassment, got in the way more than practical barriers (see Sources).
A review of studies on young people found similar themes. Common barriers included not knowing much about mental health, worry about what others would think, embarrassment and concerns about trusting a professional or keeping things private (see Sources).
Other common reasons include:
Not seeing the problem as serious
Feeling like asking for help means they are weak
Not knowing what therapy is actually like
Past bad experiences with a professional
Worry about cost or time
Knowing these reasons can help you respond with patience instead of pressure.
Choosing the right moment
Timing matters. Bringing up therapy in the middle of a fight, or right after a crisis when everyone is drained, often goes badly.
Try to pick a calm, private moment when you both have time. A walk, a drive or a quiet evening at home can work well. Avoid bringing it up in front of others.
How to start the conversation
Lead with care, not a diagnosis. Instead of "I think you're depressed," try "I've noticed you seem really worn down lately, and I care about you."
Share what you have seen. Talk about specific changes, like sleeping a lot more, pulling away from friends or seeming more irritable.
Use "I" statements. "I've been worried about you" lands more softly than "You need help."
Ask, then listen. "How have you been feeling, really?" Then give them space to answer. Listening without fixing can build trust.
Offer, do not order. "Would you be open to talking to someone?" feels very different from "You have to see a therapist."
What to say if they push back
They may say no the first time, or the fifth. That is normal. A few ideas:
"I just want you to have support." Keep the focus on care.
"You don't have to decide now." Taking the pressure off can help.
"You could try one session and see." Small steps feel less scary.
"Lots of people go to therapy for everyday stuff." It is not only for a crisis.
Try not to argue, threaten or keep bringing it up every day. Pressure often makes people dig in. It is okay to let it rest and come back to it later.
Making therapy feel less scary
Much of the fear around therapy comes from not knowing what to expect. You can help by making it more familiar.
Explain what therapy is like. Our post on what to expect in your first therapy session walks through a typical first visit.
Share the options. There are many kinds of therapy. Our guide to types of therapy can help them see that there is likely an approach that fits.
Offer practical help. You might help them search for a therapist, sit with them while they book or offer a ride.
Mention online sessions. Some people find it easier to start from home.
Point out free consultations. A short, free call can feel like a low-risk first step.
Our find a therapist quiz is another easy way to start if they want to explore on their own.
Your role, and its limits
Families and friends often play a big part in helping someone get support. A study of families of veterans and first responders described how long and tiring that journey could be, and how important the family's role was (see Sources). The same is true in many families.
But you cannot do the work for them. Adults get to make their own choices, even ones you disagree with. Your role is to offer care, information and support, not to force a decision.
If the person is a teen, you have more say as a parent, but going gently and involving them in the choice still tends to work better.
What not to do
Some common approaches tend to backfire, even when they come from love.
Ultimatums. "Go to therapy or else" can make someone feel cornered.
Labels. Calling someone "crazy" or naming a condition can make them defensive.
Tricking them. Setting up a surprise appointment can break trust.
Talking about them to others behind their back. This can leave them feeling exposed if they find out.
If you have done some of these already, that is okay. You can always say sorry and start again with a gentler approach.
Taking care of yourself
Supporting someone who is struggling can wear you down. You might feel worried, frustrated or helpless. Those feelings make sense.
Keep up your own routines, sleep and connections.
Set limits on what you can give, and say so kindly.
Talk to people you trust about how you are doing.
Think about getting support for yourself. Counselling can help you cope, even if the other person is not ready to go.
Sometimes, when one person starts therapy, it gently shows others that it is okay to ask for help too.
If you are worried about their safety
If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. If they talk about suicide or not wanting to live, or you are worried they might hurt themselves, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night. You can also call or text 9-8-8 for guidance on how to help them. Take their words seriously and stay with them if you can.
Common questions about encouraging therapy
What if they get angry when I bring it up? Stay calm, let them know you care and give it time. You can try again later.
Should I book an appointment for them? It is usually best to let them choose. You can offer to help with the steps if they want.
What if they go once and do not want to go back? That happens. Sometimes the fit is not right, and trying a different therapist can help.
Cost, billing and your first step
Sessions with our therapists range from $130 to $200, depending on the clinician.
We accept Health Spending Accounts (HSAs).
We can direct bill many insurers. Coverage depends on your plan, so check with your insurer before you start.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with our admin team. We can answer questions about how therapy works, for you or for the person you care about.
If you're in crisis: if you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call 911. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 any time, day or night.
Last reviewed: October 2026
Sources
Ebert DD, et al. "Barriers of mental health treatment utilization among first-year college students: First cross-national results from the WHO World Mental Health International College Student Initiative." International Journal of Methods in Psychiatric Research, 2019. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6522323/
Lawn S, et al. "Families' experiences of supporting Australian veterans and emergency service first responders (ESFRs) to seek help for mental health problems." Health and Social Care in the Community, 2022. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10084143/
Radez J, et al. "Why do children and adolescents (not) seek and access professional help for their mental health problems? A systematic review of quantitative and qualitative studies." European Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 2021. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7932953/